Chuckles for March 2002



March 01
Sign in a Health Food Store window........ CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS. --butlerwebs.com

March 04
Pizza Shop Slogan: "7 days without pizza makes one weak." --butlerwebs.com

March 05
SEEN DURING A CONFERENCE: For anyone who has children and doesn't know it, there is a day care on the first floor --butlerwebs.com

March 05
Sign outside a Hotel: "Help! We need inn-experienced people."--butlerwebs.com

March 06
Clipping from Church Bulletin: Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa will be speaking tonight at Calvary Memorial Church in Racine. Come tonight and hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa.--butlerwebs.com

March 07
Sign on a Farmer's field: "The farmer allows walkers to cross the field for free, but the bull charges." --butlerwebs.com

March 08
Posted in a Restroom: Toilet out of order. Please use floor below. --butlerwebs.com

March 11
Department Store Sign: BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS --butlerwebs.com

March 12
Church Bulletin Blooper: The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water." The sermon tonight: "Searching for Jesus."--butlerwebs.com

March 13
A rookie cop was asked the following question on an examination: "How would you go about dispersing a crowd?" He answered: "Take up an offering. That does it every time." (oneliners-and-proverbs.com)

March 14
"Show me a man who cannot bother to do little things, and I'll show you a man who cannot be trusted to do big things." (Bill Cosby)

March 15
Speak when you are angry and you'll make the best speech you'll ever regret. (Lawrence J Peter)

March 18
The best time to plant an oak tree is 20 years ago, the next best time is right now! oneliners-and-proverbs.com

March 19
DRY CLEANER'S WINDOW: Anyone leaving their garments here for more than 30 days will be disposed of. (butlerwebs.com)

March 19
In a Dry Cleaners Window: Anyone leaving their garments here for more than 30 days will be disposed of. (butlerwebs.com)

March 20
Diet Excuse: Inside me there's a thin person struggling to get out, but I can usually sedate her with four or five cupcakes. (butlerwebs.com)

March 21
Did you ever see the customers in a health-food store? They're pale, skinny people who look half dead. In a steak house you see robust, ruddy people. They're dying of course, but they look terrific! (butlerwebs.com)

March 22
A wise schoolteacher sends this note to all parents on the first day of school: "If you promise not to believe everything your child says happens at school, I'll promise not to believe everything he or she says happens at home!" (butlerwebs.com)

March 25
We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk, and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up. (butlerwebs.com)

March 26
"My mother had morning sickness after I was born." Rodney Dangerfield

March 27
What NOT to say to the nice policeman: What do you mean, "Have I been drinking? You're the trained specialist!" butlerwebs.com

March 28
"I finally quit smoking by using the patch. I put six of them over my mouth." - Wendy Liebman

March 29
All-Time Best Oxymorons: Act naturally - Found missing - Resident alien - Advanced BASIC - Genuine imitation - Airline Food - Good grief - Same difference - Almost exactly - Government organization (butlerwebs.com)

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Local events heading








  Today is Friday, April 18, the 108th day of 2014. There are 257 days left in the year.
1864 -- 150 years ago: A new steamer, Keithsburg, now is at our levee taking on board the balance of her fixtures preparatory to assuming her position on the daily Rock Island and Keokuk line.
1889 -- 125 years ago: C.W. Hawes was appointed deputy county clerk by county clerk Donaldson.
1914 -- 100 years ago: Mrs. O.E. child, of Moline, was named president of the Women's Home Missionary Society of the Methodist Church Rock Island District of the Central Illinois conference.
1939 -- 75 years ago: Augustana College is making plans for a drive for funds to erect a field house and make football field improvements.
1964 -- 50 years ago: A expanded election coverage system featuring a 16-foot chalkboard showing up to the minute running totals, attracted a large and enthusiastic crowd to The Argus newsroom last night.
1989 -- 25 years ago: Balloons frame Rock Island attorney Stewart Winstein who was given a surprise party in the rotunda of the Rock Island County Courthouse on Thursday to honor his 50th year of practicing law.




(More History)