Chuckles for March 2002

March 01
Sign in a Health Food Store window........ CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS.

March 04
Pizza Shop Slogan: "7 days without pizza makes one weak."

March 05
SEEN DURING A CONFERENCE: For anyone who has children and doesn't know it, there is a day care on the first floor

March 05
Sign outside a Hotel: "Help! We need inn-experienced people."

March 06
Clipping from Church Bulletin: Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa will be speaking tonight at Calvary Memorial Church in Racine. Come tonight and hear Bertha Belch all the way from

March 07
Sign on a Farmer's field: "The farmer allows walkers to cross the field for free, but the bull charges."

March 08
Posted in a Restroom: Toilet out of order. Please use floor below.

March 11

March 12
Church Bulletin Blooper: The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water." The sermon tonight: "Searching for Jesus."

March 13
A rookie cop was asked the following question on an examination: "How would you go about dispersing a crowd?" He answered: "Take up an offering. That does it every time." (

March 14
"Show me a man who cannot bother to do little things, and I'll show you a man who cannot be trusted to do big things." (Bill Cosby)

March 15
Speak when you are angry and you'll make the best speech you'll ever regret. (Lawrence J Peter)

March 18
The best time to plant an oak tree is 20 years ago, the next best time is right now!

March 19
DRY CLEANER'S WINDOW: Anyone leaving their garments here for more than 30 days will be disposed of. (

March 19
In a Dry Cleaners Window: Anyone leaving their garments here for more than 30 days will be disposed of. (

March 20
Diet Excuse: Inside me there's a thin person struggling to get out, but I can usually sedate her with four or five cupcakes. (

March 21
Did you ever see the customers in a health-food store? They're pale, skinny people who look half dead. In a steak house you see robust, ruddy people. They're dying of course, but they look terrific! (

March 22
A wise schoolteacher sends this note to all parents on the first day of school: "If you promise not to believe everything your child says happens at school, I'll promise not to believe everything he or she says happens at home!" (

March 25
We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk, and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up. (

March 26
"My mother had morning sickness after I was born." Rodney Dangerfield

March 27
What NOT to say to the nice policeman: What do you mean, "Have I been drinking? You're the trained specialist!"

March 28
"I finally quit smoking by using the patch. I put six of them over my mouth." - Wendy Liebman

March 29
All-Time Best Oxymorons: Act naturally - Found missing - Resident alien - Advanced BASIC - Genuine imitation - Airline Food - Good grief - Same difference - Almost exactly - Government organization (

Back: Past Chuckles

Local events heading

  Today is Tuesday, Sept 2, the 245th day of 2014. There are 120 days left in the year.

1864 — 150 years ago: It is estimated that 300,000 people attended the recent Democratic convention in Chicago when Gen. George B. McClellan of New Jersey was nominated as a candidate for president of the United States.
1889 — 125 years ago: Alderman Frank Ill, Winslow Howard and Captain J.M. Montgomery returned from Milwaukee, where they attended the national Grand Army of the Republic encampment.
1914 — 100 years ago: Three members of the Rock Island YMCA accepted positions as physical directors of other associations. Albert Cook went to Kewanee, C.D. Curtis to Canton and Willis Woods to Leavenworth, Kan.
1939 — 75 years ago: Former President Herbert Hoover appealed for national support of President F.D. Roosevelt and Congress in every effort to keep the United States out of war.
1964 — 50 years ago: The Rock Island Junior chamber pf Commerce has received answers to about 65 % of the 600 questionnaires mailed out recently in a "Community Attitude Survey" to analyze sentiments of citizens towards their city's various recreational, educational, and civic service programs.
1989 — 25 years ago: The two thunderstorms passing through the Quad Cities last night and early today left some area residents reaching for their flashlights.

(More History)