Chuckles for March 2002

March 01
Sign in a Health Food Store window........ CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS. --butlerwebs.com

March 04
Pizza Shop Slogan: "7 days without pizza makes one weak." --butlerwebs.com

March 05
SEEN DURING A CONFERENCE: For anyone who has children and doesn't know it, there is a day care on the first floor --butlerwebs.com

March 05
Sign outside a Hotel: "Help! We need inn-experienced people."--butlerwebs.com

March 06
Clipping from Church Bulletin: Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa will be speaking tonight at Calvary Memorial Church in Racine. Come tonight and hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa.--butlerwebs.com

March 07
Sign on a Farmer's field: "The farmer allows walkers to cross the field for free, but the bull charges." --butlerwebs.com

March 08
Posted in a Restroom: Toilet out of order. Please use floor below. --butlerwebs.com

March 11
Department Store Sign: BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS --butlerwebs.com

March 12
Church Bulletin Blooper: The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water." The sermon tonight: "Searching for Jesus."--butlerwebs.com

March 13
A rookie cop was asked the following question on an examination: "How would you go about dispersing a crowd?" He answered: "Take up an offering. That does it every time." (oneliners-and-proverbs.com)

March 14
"Show me a man who cannot bother to do little things, and I'll show you a man who cannot be trusted to do big things." (Bill Cosby)

March 15
Speak when you are angry and you'll make the best speech you'll ever regret. (Lawrence J Peter)

March 18
The best time to plant an oak tree is 20 years ago, the next best time is right now! oneliners-and-proverbs.com

March 19
DRY CLEANER'S WINDOW: Anyone leaving their garments here for more than 30 days will be disposed of. (butlerwebs.com)

March 19
In a Dry Cleaners Window: Anyone leaving their garments here for more than 30 days will be disposed of. (butlerwebs.com)

March 20
Diet Excuse: Inside me there's a thin person struggling to get out, but I can usually sedate her with four or five cupcakes. (butlerwebs.com)

March 21
Did you ever see the customers in a health-food store? They're pale, skinny people who look half dead. In a steak house you see robust, ruddy people. They're dying of course, but they look terrific! (butlerwebs.com)

March 22
A wise schoolteacher sends this note to all parents on the first day of school: "If you promise not to believe everything your child says happens at school, I'll promise not to believe everything he or she says happens at home!" (butlerwebs.com)

March 25
We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk, and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up. (butlerwebs.com)

March 26
"My mother had morning sickness after I was born." Rodney Dangerfield

March 27
What NOT to say to the nice policeman: What do you mean, "Have I been drinking? You're the trained specialist!" butlerwebs.com

March 28
"I finally quit smoking by using the patch. I put six of them over my mouth." - Wendy Liebman

March 29
All-Time Best Oxymorons: Act naturally - Found missing - Resident alien - Advanced BASIC - Genuine imitation - Airline Food - Good grief - Same difference - Almost exactly - Government organization (butlerwebs.com)

Back: Past Chuckles

Local events heading

  Today is Saturday, Sept. 20, the 263rd day of 2014. There are 102 days left in the year.

1864 -- 150 years ago: Recruits can get $500 by enlisting now. Lt Jobe has a recruiting office on Illinois Street.
1889 -- 125 years ago: Superintendent Schnitger formally inaugurated the Rock Island and Davenport Railway Line of the Holmes system by putting on four cars to start.
1914 -- 100 years ago: Wires of the defunct Union Electric Co. are being removed by city electricians.
1939 -- 75 years ago: The Bishop Hill softball team won the championship in WHB"S Mississippi Valley tournament at Douglas Park.
1964 -- 50 years ago: A boom in apartment construction has hit Rock Island, with approximately 300 units either in or near the construction stage or due for an early rezoning decision.
1989 -- 25 years ago: Members of the Bi-State Metropolitan Planning Commission are hoping to revive their push for a new $70 million four-lane bridge spanning the Mississippi River.

(More History)