Chuckles for February 2002



February 01
It usually takes three weeks to prepare a good impromptu speech.--Mark Twain

February 04
Adam and Eve had many advantages, but the principal one was that they escaped teething.--Mark Twain

February 05
A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries. --jokesandhumor.com

February 06
There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works. --jokesandhumor.com

February 07
Few women admit their age. Fewer men act it. --butlerwebs.com

February 08
Concerns for Baby Boomers... Then: Hoping for a BMW. Now: Hoping for a BM. Then: Getting out to a new, hip joint. Now: Getting a new hip joint. --butlerwebs.com

February 11
Church Bulletin Blooper: At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.--butlerwebs.com

February 12
Church Bulletin Blooper: Attend and you will hear an excellent speaker and heave a healthy lunch.--butlerwebs.com

February 13
Church Bulletin Bloopers: Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday. Please use the back door.--butlerwebs.com

February 14
Church Bulletin Bloopers: The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours --butlerwebs.com

February 15
Church Bulletin Bloopers: Announcement in the church bulletin for a National PRAYER & FASTING Conference: "The cost for attending the Fasting and Prayer conference includes meals." --butlerwebs.com

February 18
SIGN POSTED AT AUTO REPAIR SERVICE: Free pick-up and delivery. Try us once, you'll never go anywhere again. --butlerwebs.com

February 18
Sign Posted at Auto Repair Service: Free pick-up and delivery. Try us once, you'll never go anywhere again. --butlerwebs.com

February 19
At an optometrist's office: "If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place." --butlerwebs.com

February 20
Outside a Second-Hand Shop: We exchange anything - bicycles, washing machines etc. Why not bring your wife along and get a wonderful bargain. --butlerwebs.com

February 21
On a Plumber's truck: "We repair what your husband fixed." --butlerwebs.com

February 22
Church Bulletin Blooper: Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.--butlerwebs.com

February 25
Business sign Bloopers: BILL'S SEPTIC CLEANING "We haul American Made Products"--butlerwebs.com

February 26
Office Memo Blooper: Would the person who took the step ladder yesterday kindly bring it back or further steps will be taken --butlerwebs.com

February 27
At the Electric Company: "We would be delighted if you send in your bill. However, if you don't, you will be."--butlerwebs.com

February 28
SIGN IN A SAFARI PARK: Elephants Please Stay In Your Car --butlerwebs.com

Back: Past Chuckles





Local events heading








  Today is Sunday, April 20, the 110th day of 2014. There are 255 days left in the year.

1864 -- 150 years ago: The attention of contractors is called to proposals for building a magazine. The building is to be erected on the south side of the island, above the railroad, nearly opposite Sinnit's ice houses.
1889 -- 125 years ago: Ladies patent leather tip shoes were selling for $3 at the M & K store, and men's spring overcoats were advertised at $7.50.
1914 -- 100 years ago: Fred Feuchter, of Davenport, was elected president of the Tri-City Post Office Clerks club, and Joe Goldsmith, of Rock Island, was named secretary treasurer.
1939 -- 75 years ago: Mass vaccination of more than 1,600 employed of the Rock Island Arsenal has been ordered by Col. Norman Ramsey after a 13-year-old daughter of the Arsenal manager became ill with smallpox.
1964 -- 50 years ago: The 1964 Scout-O-Rama of the Sac-Fox Council of Boy Scouts closed a two-day session last evening at the Rock Island Armory with 5,000 paid attendance.
1989 -- 25 years ago: "From the horse and buggy days ... to this" said Mercer County Sheriff Marvin Thirtyacre, waving his hand to indicate the sheriff's department facilities at the new $1.5 million Mercer County Jail in Aledo.




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