Chuckles for February 2002



February 01
It usually takes three weeks to prepare a good impromptu speech.--Mark Twain

February 04
Adam and Eve had many advantages, but the principal one was that they escaped teething.--Mark Twain

February 05
A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries. --jokesandhumor.com

February 06
There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works. --jokesandhumor.com

February 07
Few women admit their age. Fewer men act it. --butlerwebs.com

February 08
Concerns for Baby Boomers... Then: Hoping for a BMW. Now: Hoping for a BM. Then: Getting out to a new, hip joint. Now: Getting a new hip joint. --butlerwebs.com

February 11
Church Bulletin Blooper: At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.--butlerwebs.com

February 12
Church Bulletin Blooper: Attend and you will hear an excellent speaker and heave a healthy lunch.--butlerwebs.com

February 13
Church Bulletin Bloopers: Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday. Please use the back door.--butlerwebs.com

February 14
Church Bulletin Bloopers: The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours --butlerwebs.com

February 15
Church Bulletin Bloopers: Announcement in the church bulletin for a National PRAYER & FASTING Conference: "The cost for attending the Fasting and Prayer conference includes meals." --butlerwebs.com

February 18
SIGN POSTED AT AUTO REPAIR SERVICE: Free pick-up and delivery. Try us once, you'll never go anywhere again. --butlerwebs.com

February 18
Sign Posted at Auto Repair Service: Free pick-up and delivery. Try us once, you'll never go anywhere again. --butlerwebs.com

February 19
At an optometrist's office: "If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place." --butlerwebs.com

February 20
Outside a Second-Hand Shop: We exchange anything - bicycles, washing machines etc. Why not bring your wife along and get a wonderful bargain. --butlerwebs.com

February 21
On a Plumber's truck: "We repair what your husband fixed." --butlerwebs.com

February 22
Church Bulletin Blooper: Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.--butlerwebs.com

February 25
Business sign Bloopers: BILL'S SEPTIC CLEANING "We haul American Made Products"--butlerwebs.com

February 26
Office Memo Blooper: Would the person who took the step ladder yesterday kindly bring it back or further steps will be taken --butlerwebs.com

February 27
At the Electric Company: "We would be delighted if you send in your bill. However, if you don't, you will be."--butlerwebs.com

February 28
SIGN IN A SAFARI PARK: Elephants Please Stay In Your Car --butlerwebs.com

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Local events heading








  Today is Monday, Oct. 20, the 293rd day of 2014. There are 72 days left in the year.

1864 -- 150 years ago: The store of Devoe and Crampton was entered and robbed of about $500 worth of gold pens and pocket cutlery last night.
1889 -- 125 years ago: Michael Malloy was named president of the Tri-City Stone Cutters Union.
1914 -- 100 years ago: Dewitte C. Poole, former Moline newspaperman serving as vice consul general for the United States government in Paris, declared in a letter to friends that the once gay Paris is a city of sadness and desolation.
1939 -- 75 years ago: Plans for the construction of an $80,000 wholesale bakery at 2011 4th Ave. were announced by Harry and Nick Coin, of Rock Island. It is to be known as the Banquet Bakery.
1964 -- 50 years ago: An application has been filed for a state permit to organize a savings and loan association in Moline, it was announced. The applicants are Ben Butterworth, A.B. Lundahl, C. Richard Evans, John Harris, George Crampton and William Getz, all of Moline, Charles Roberts, Rock Island, and Charles Johnson, of Hampton.
1989 -- 25 years ago: Indian summer is quickly disappearing as temperatures slide into the 40s and 50s this week. Last week, highs were in the 80s.


(More History)