Chuckles for February 2002



February 01
It usually takes three weeks to prepare a good impromptu speech.--Mark Twain

February 04
Adam and Eve had many advantages, but the principal one was that they escaped teething.--Mark Twain

February 05
A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries. --jokesandhumor.com

February 06
There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works. --jokesandhumor.com

February 07
Few women admit their age. Fewer men act it. --butlerwebs.com

February 08
Concerns for Baby Boomers... Then: Hoping for a BMW. Now: Hoping for a BM. Then: Getting out to a new, hip joint. Now: Getting a new hip joint. --butlerwebs.com

February 11
Church Bulletin Blooper: At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.--butlerwebs.com

February 12
Church Bulletin Blooper: Attend and you will hear an excellent speaker and heave a healthy lunch.--butlerwebs.com

February 13
Church Bulletin Bloopers: Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday. Please use the back door.--butlerwebs.com

February 14
Church Bulletin Bloopers: The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours --butlerwebs.com

February 15
Church Bulletin Bloopers: Announcement in the church bulletin for a National PRAYER & FASTING Conference: "The cost for attending the Fasting and Prayer conference includes meals." --butlerwebs.com

February 18
SIGN POSTED AT AUTO REPAIR SERVICE: Free pick-up and delivery. Try us once, you'll never go anywhere again. --butlerwebs.com

February 18
Sign Posted at Auto Repair Service: Free pick-up and delivery. Try us once, you'll never go anywhere again. --butlerwebs.com

February 19
At an optometrist's office: "If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place." --butlerwebs.com

February 20
Outside a Second-Hand Shop: We exchange anything - bicycles, washing machines etc. Why not bring your wife along and get a wonderful bargain. --butlerwebs.com

February 21
On a Plumber's truck: "We repair what your husband fixed." --butlerwebs.com

February 22
Church Bulletin Blooper: Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.--butlerwebs.com

February 25
Business sign Bloopers: BILL'S SEPTIC CLEANING "We haul American Made Products"--butlerwebs.com

February 26
Office Memo Blooper: Would the person who took the step ladder yesterday kindly bring it back or further steps will be taken --butlerwebs.com

February 27
At the Electric Company: "We would be delighted if you send in your bill. However, if you don't, you will be."--butlerwebs.com

February 28
SIGN IN A SAFARI PARK: Elephants Please Stay In Your Car --butlerwebs.com

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Local events heading








  Today is Thursday, July 31, the 212th day of 2014. There are 153 days left in the year.

1864 -- 150 years ago: A corps of surgeons now occupies the new hospital quarters at the Garrison Hospital on the Rock Island Arsenal. A fence has been installed to enclose the prison hospital.
1889 -- 125 years ago: B. Winter has let a contract to Christ Schreiner for a two story brick building with a double store front on the south side of 3rd Avenue just west of 17th Street. The estimated cost was $4,500.
1914 -- 100 years ago: Germany sent simultaneous ultimatums to Russia and France, demanding that Russia suspend mobilization within 12 hours and demanding that France inform Germany within 18 hours. In the case of war between Germany and Russia, France would remain neutral.
1939 -- 75 years ago: Civil service offices at the post office and the Rock Island Arsenal were swamped as more than 700 youths sought 15 machinist apprenticeships at the Arsenal.
1964 -- 50 years ago: Last night, American Legion Post 246 in Moline figuratively handed over the trousers to a female ex-Marine and petticoat rule began. Olga Swanson, of Moline, was installed as the first woman commander of the post .
1989 -- 25 years ago: The Illinois Quad City Civic Center captured the excitement and interest of a convention of auditorium managers this weekend in Reno, Nev. Bill Adams, civic center authority chairman, said the 10,000-seat arena planned for downtown Moline has caught the eye of construction firms, suppliers, management teams and concession groups.








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