Chuckles for January 2002



January 02
Hey, what did you do for New Year's? "I did a lot of shots...not big shots". (Dan H.)

January 03
Yogi Berra on seeing a Steve McQueen movie: - "He must've made that before he died"

January 04
My church accepts any denomination, but they prefer tens and twenties. (jokesgalore.com)

January 07
"We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time." - Vince Lombardi

January 08
What do you get if you cross an elephant and a kangaroo? Big holes all over Australia!

January 09
Even if I knew that tomorrow the world would go to pieces, I would still plant my apple tree. --Martin Luther

January 11
"I am a man of fixed and unbending principles, the first of which is to be flexible at all times." Everett McKinley Dirksen

January 14
Time wounds all heels. (Groucho Marx)

January 15
The art of flying is to throw yourself at the ground and miss. -- Douglas Adams

January 16
I am not a vegetarian because I love animals;
I am a vegetarian because I hate plants. --A. Whitney Brown

January 17
Joe: Have you ever seen a man eating tiger? Bob: No, but in the cafe next door I once saw a man eating chicken! www.kidsjokes.co.uk

January 21
"I still say a church steeple with a lightening rod on top shows a lack of confidence." --Doug McLeod

January 22
If a word is misspelled in a dictionary, how would we ever know? (americasjoke.com)

January 23
Do vegetarians
eat animal crackers?(www.georgecarlin.com)

January 25
"Nobody goes there anymore; it's too crowded. (Yogi Berra)

January 28
Why did Robin Hood only steal from the rich? Because the poor have nothing worth taking! www.kidsjokes.co.uk

January 29
The closest I ever got to a 4.0 in college was my blood alcohol content. www.tech-sol.net/humor/

January 30
A classic is something that everybody wants to have read and nobody wants to read. --Mark Twain

January 31
The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like and do what you'd rather not.--Mark Twain

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Local events heading








  Today is Wednesday, Sept. 17, the 260th day of 2014. There are 105 days left in the year.
1864 -- 150 years ago: We are told league merchants have paid no attention to the prohibition on selling ammunition, but continue to sell just as before the order was issued.
1889 -- 125 years ago: The Rev. R.F. Sweet, rector of Trinity Episcopal Parish, left for the East to visit his boyhood home in Boston before attending the general convention of the Episcopal Church in New York.
1914 -- 100 years ago: Dr. E.A. Anderson was named to succeed Dr. E.L. Kerns as head physician of the Modern Woodmen of America, and moved to Rock Island from Holdingford, Minn.
1939 -- 75 years ago: One week late, because of the outbreak of war, Dr. E.L. Beyer resumed his work as professor of romance languages at Augustana College. Dr. and Mrs. Beyer left Germany on the last train to the Belgian border.
1964 -- 50 years ago: Employees in Turnstyle stores in Moline and Davenport will vote Oct. 2 in an election set up by the Chicago regional office of the National Labor Relations Board. Employees will vote either for the Retail Clerk International or for no union.
1989 -- 25 years ago: Rock Island High School is considering a step to help teen moms stay in school and get their diploma. The school board is expected to vote tonight on instituting an on-site child care center.




(More History)