Chuckles for January 2002



January 02
Hey, what did you do for New Year's? "I did a lot of shots...not big shots". (Dan H.)

January 03
Yogi Berra on seeing a Steve McQueen movie: - "He must've made that before he died"

January 04
My church accepts any denomination, but they prefer tens and twenties. (jokesgalore.com)

January 07
"We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time." - Vince Lombardi

January 08
What do you get if you cross an elephant and a kangaroo? Big holes all over Australia!

January 09
Even if I knew that tomorrow the world would go to pieces, I would still plant my apple tree. --Martin Luther

January 11
"I am a man of fixed and unbending principles, the first of which is to be flexible at all times." Everett McKinley Dirksen

January 14
Time wounds all heels. (Groucho Marx)

January 15
The art of flying is to throw yourself at the ground and miss. -- Douglas Adams

January 16
I am not a vegetarian because I love animals;
I am a vegetarian because I hate plants. --A. Whitney Brown

January 17
Joe: Have you ever seen a man eating tiger? Bob: No, but in the cafe next door I once saw a man eating chicken! www.kidsjokes.co.uk

January 21
"I still say a church steeple with a lightening rod on top shows a lack of confidence." --Doug McLeod

January 22
If a word is misspelled in a dictionary, how would we ever know? (americasjoke.com)

January 23
Do vegetarians
eat animal crackers?(www.georgecarlin.com)

January 25
"Nobody goes there anymore; it's too crowded. (Yogi Berra)

January 28
Why did Robin Hood only steal from the rich? Because the poor have nothing worth taking! www.kidsjokes.co.uk

January 29
The closest I ever got to a 4.0 in college was my blood alcohol content. www.tech-sol.net/humor/

January 30
A classic is something that everybody wants to have read and nobody wants to read. --Mark Twain

January 31
The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like and do what you'd rather not.--Mark Twain

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Local events heading








  Today is Wednesday, July 30, the 211th day of 2014. There are 154 days left in the year.
1864 -- 150 years ago: After Sept. 1, every small box of matches will be required to have a 3 cent duty Lincoln stamp on it, and every large box will be one cent for every 100 matches.
1889 -- 125 years ago: Rock Island residents had contributed a total of $1,293 to the American Red Cross for the Johnstown flood relief fund.
1914 -- 100 years ago: Capt. Clark Means, new darkhorse twirler for the ARGUS staff, was in great form in his initial contest as a mound laborer. The result was that THE ARGUS trimmed the Union 6-5.
1939 -- 75 years ago: Hunter and Humprey Moody, young Decatur, Ill, brothers, lack only a few hours of establishing a new world light plane endurance record.
1964 -- 50 years ago: Gates of the 110th annual Mercer County Fair swing open tonight at Aledo for a full week of day and night activity. More that $36,000 will be paid in premiums and race purses.
1989 -- 25 years ago: The baseball field carved out of the cornfield near Dyersville, Iowa, continues to keep dreams alive for hundreds of visitors. Tourists from 26 state and France have visited Dan Lansing's farm to see the baseball diamond seen in the hit movie "Field of Dreams."






(More History)