Chuckles for January 2002



January 02
Hey, what did you do for New Year's? "I did a lot of shots...not big shots". (Dan H.)

January 03
Yogi Berra on seeing a Steve McQueen movie: - "He must've made that before he died"

January 04
My church accepts any denomination, but they prefer tens and twenties. (jokesgalore.com)

January 07
"We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time." - Vince Lombardi

January 08
What do you get if you cross an elephant and a kangaroo? Big holes all over Australia!

January 09
Even if I knew that tomorrow the world would go to pieces, I would still plant my apple tree. --Martin Luther

January 11
"I am a man of fixed and unbending principles, the first of which is to be flexible at all times." Everett McKinley Dirksen

January 14
Time wounds all heels. (Groucho Marx)

January 15
The art of flying is to throw yourself at the ground and miss. -- Douglas Adams

January 16
I am not a vegetarian because I love animals;
I am a vegetarian because I hate plants. --A. Whitney Brown

January 17
Joe: Have you ever seen a man eating tiger? Bob: No, but in the cafe next door I once saw a man eating chicken! www.kidsjokes.co.uk

January 21
"I still say a church steeple with a lightening rod on top shows a lack of confidence." --Doug McLeod

January 22
If a word is misspelled in a dictionary, how would we ever know? (americasjoke.com)

January 23
Do vegetarians
eat animal crackers?(www.georgecarlin.com)

January 25
"Nobody goes there anymore; it's too crowded. (Yogi Berra)

January 28
Why did Robin Hood only steal from the rich? Because the poor have nothing worth taking! www.kidsjokes.co.uk

January 29
The closest I ever got to a 4.0 in college was my blood alcohol content. www.tech-sol.net/humor/

January 30
A classic is something that everybody wants to have read and nobody wants to read. --Mark Twain

January 31
The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like and do what you'd rather not.--Mark Twain

Back: Past Chuckles






Local events heading








  Today is Monday, Sept. 1, the 244th day of 2014. There are 121 days left in the year.

1864 -- 150 years ago: We are informed by J.H. Hull that the reason the street sprinkler was not at work yesterday settling the dust on the streets, was because one of his horses was injured.
1889 -- 125 years ago: Bonnie McGregor, a fleet-footed stallion owned by S.W. Wheelock of this community, covered himself with glory at Lexington, Ky, when he ran a mile in 2:13 1/2. The horse's value was estimated as at least $50,000.
1914 -- 100 years ago: Troops are pouring into Paris to prepare for defense of the city. The German army is reported to be only 60 miles from the capital of France.
1939 -- 75 years ago: The German army has invaded Poland in undeclared warfare. Poland has appealed to Great Britain and France for aid.
1964 -- 50 years ago: Publication of a plant newspaper, the Farmall Works News, has been launched at the Rock Island IHC factory and replaces a managerial newsletter.
1989 -- 25 years ago: Officials predict Monday's Rock Island Labor Parade will be the biggest and best ever. Last minute work continues on floats and costumes for the parade, which steps off a 9:30 a.m.




(More History)