Chuckles for January 2002



January 02
Hey, what did you do for New Year's? "I did a lot of shots...not big shots". (Dan H.)

January 03
Yogi Berra on seeing a Steve McQueen movie: - "He must've made that before he died"

January 04
My church accepts any denomination, but they prefer tens and twenties. (jokesgalore.com)

January 07
"We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time." - Vince Lombardi

January 08
What do you get if you cross an elephant and a kangaroo? Big holes all over Australia!

January 09
Even if I knew that tomorrow the world would go to pieces, I would still plant my apple tree. --Martin Luther

January 11
"I am a man of fixed and unbending principles, the first of which is to be flexible at all times." Everett McKinley Dirksen

January 14
Time wounds all heels. (Groucho Marx)

January 15
The art of flying is to throw yourself at the ground and miss. -- Douglas Adams

January 16
I am not a vegetarian because I love animals;
I am a vegetarian because I hate plants. --A. Whitney Brown

January 17
Joe: Have you ever seen a man eating tiger? Bob: No, but in the cafe next door I once saw a man eating chicken! www.kidsjokes.co.uk

January 21
"I still say a church steeple with a lightening rod on top shows a lack of confidence." --Doug McLeod

January 22
If a word is misspelled in a dictionary, how would we ever know? (americasjoke.com)

January 23
Do vegetarians
eat animal crackers?(www.georgecarlin.com)

January 25
"Nobody goes there anymore; it's too crowded. (Yogi Berra)

January 28
Why did Robin Hood only steal from the rich? Because the poor have nothing worth taking! www.kidsjokes.co.uk

January 29
The closest I ever got to a 4.0 in college was my blood alcohol content. www.tech-sol.net/humor/

January 30
A classic is something that everybody wants to have read and nobody wants to read. --Mark Twain

January 31
The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like and do what you'd rather not.--Mark Twain

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Local events heading








  Today is Friday, April 25, the 115th day of 2014. There are 250 days left in the year.

1864 — 150 years ago: Never in the history of Rock Island was there such a demand for houses as at present. Our city is suffering for the want of suitable tenement houses.

1889 — 125 years ago: The choir of Central Presbyterian Church presented a ladies concert under the direction of S.T. Bowlby.

1914 — 100 years ago: Miss Rosella Benson was elected president of the Standard Bearers of Spencer Memorial Methodist Church.

1939 — 75 years ago: Mrs. Nell Clapper was elected president of the Rock Island Business and Professional Women's Club.

1964 — 50 years ago: Gerald Hickman, of Seattle, Wash, will move his family to Rock Island to assume the position of produce buyer for the Eagle Food Center chain of food stores. This announcement was made today by Bernard Weindruch, president of Eagles.

1989 — 25 years ago: Care & Share, formed in 1984 to provide food to jobless and needy Quad-Citians, will disband because the major part of a crisis created by plant closings is over. Food for the needy is still necessary. So groups separately will continue to raise money and collect food.




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