Chuckles for December 2001



December 03
My face in the mirror isn't wrinkled or drawn. My house isn't dirty. The cobwebs are gone. My garden looks lovely, and so does my lawn. I think I might never put my glasses back on. (www.oneliners-and-proverbs.com)

December 05
Winter is the season in which people try to keep the house as warm as it was in the summer, when they complained about the heat. (www.oneliners-and-proverbs.com)

December 06
What is the most important thing to learn in chemistry? Never lick the spoon! (oneliners-and-proverbs)

December 07
Advertising manager: Where did you get this wonderful advertising idea? It would drag money out of anbody. Assistant: I'll say it would. It's compiled from the letters I received from my daughter at college. (oneliners-and-proverbs)

December 07
Unusual behavior by job applicants: When I asked her about her hobbies, she stood up and started tap dancing around my office. (jokesgalore.com)

December 10
Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat, word for word, what you shouldn't have said. (oneliners-and-proverbs.com)

December 11
A woman has never shot a man while he was doing dishes. (oneliners-and-proverbs.com)

December 12
When they broke open molecules, they found they were only stuffed with atoms. But when they broke open atoms, they found them stuffed with explosions. (oneliners-and-proverbs.com)

December 13
"Old" is when......your friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes and you're barefoot. (jokesgalore.com)

December 14
Dolphins are so intelligent that within only a few weeks of captivity, they can train humans to stand at the very edge of a pool and throw them fish. (oneliners-and-proverbs.com)

December 17
Laughing at our mistakes can lengthen our own life. Laughing at someone else's can shorten it! (oneliners-and-proverbs.com)

December 18
Stare, grinning, at another elevator passenger for awhile, and then announce, "I've got new socks on!" comedylab.com

December 20
"I would love to speak a foreign language, but I can't. So I grew hair under my arms instead." -- Sue Kolinsky (thecomedylab.com)

December 21
My goal in life is to be the sort of person my dog thinks I am. www.oneliners-and-proverbs.com

December 26
You know your a tech addict when... You can't sit through an entire movie without having at least one device on your body beep or buzz.(www.lotsofjokes.com)

December 27
He who hesitates is last. (Mae West)

December 28
Don't cry because its over, smile because it happened. (unknown)

December 31
To educate a man in mind and not in morals is to educate a menace to society. --Theodore Roosevelt

Back: Past Chuckles





Local events heading








  Today is Thursday, April 24, the 114th day of 2014. There are 251 days left in the year.

1864 -- 150 years ago: We learn that it is a contemplation to start a paper mill in Rock Island during the summer by a gentleman from the East.
1889 -- 125 years ago: The gates of Oklahoma were swung open at noon today, and a throng of more than 30,000 settlers started over its soil.
1914 -- 100 years ago: The Iowa Coliseum Co. was incorporated with $40,000 capital and planned a building on 4th Street between Warren and Green streets in Davenport.
1939 -- 75 years ago: Plans are being discussed for resurfacing the streets in the entire downtown district of Rock Island.
1964 -- 50 years ago: Some 45 jobs will be created at J.I. Case Co.'s Rock Island plant in a expansion of operations announced yesterday afternoon at the firm's headquarters in Racine, Wis.
1989 -- 25 years ago: Gardeners and farmers cheered, but not all Quad-Citians found joy Saturday as more than an inch of rain fell on the area. Motorists faced dangerous, rain-slick roads as the water activated grease and grime that had built up during dry weather.








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