Chuckles for December 2001



December 03
My face in the mirror isn't wrinkled or drawn. My house isn't dirty. The cobwebs are gone. My garden looks lovely, and so does my lawn. I think I might never put my glasses back on. (www.oneliners-and-proverbs.com)

December 05
Winter is the season in which people try to keep the house as warm as it was in the summer, when they complained about the heat. (www.oneliners-and-proverbs.com)

December 06
What is the most important thing to learn in chemistry? Never lick the spoon! (oneliners-and-proverbs)

December 07
Advertising manager: Where did you get this wonderful advertising idea? It would drag money out of anbody. Assistant: I'll say it would. It's compiled from the letters I received from my daughter at college. (oneliners-and-proverbs)

December 07
Unusual behavior by job applicants: When I asked her about her hobbies, she stood up and started tap dancing around my office. (jokesgalore.com)

December 10
Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat, word for word, what you shouldn't have said. (oneliners-and-proverbs.com)

December 11
A woman has never shot a man while he was doing dishes. (oneliners-and-proverbs.com)

December 12
When they broke open molecules, they found they were only stuffed with atoms. But when they broke open atoms, they found them stuffed with explosions. (oneliners-and-proverbs.com)

December 13
"Old" is when......your friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes and you're barefoot. (jokesgalore.com)

December 14
Dolphins are so intelligent that within only a few weeks of captivity, they can train humans to stand at the very edge of a pool and throw them fish. (oneliners-and-proverbs.com)

December 17
Laughing at our mistakes can lengthen our own life. Laughing at someone else's can shorten it! (oneliners-and-proverbs.com)

December 18
Stare, grinning, at another elevator passenger for awhile, and then announce, "I've got new socks on!" comedylab.com

December 20
"I would love to speak a foreign language, but I can't. So I grew hair under my arms instead." -- Sue Kolinsky (thecomedylab.com)

December 21
My goal in life is to be the sort of person my dog thinks I am. www.oneliners-and-proverbs.com

December 26
You know your a tech addict when... You can't sit through an entire movie without having at least one device on your body beep or buzz.(www.lotsofjokes.com)

December 27
He who hesitates is last. (Mae West)

December 28
Don't cry because its over, smile because it happened. (unknown)

December 31
To educate a man in mind and not in morals is to educate a menace to society. --Theodore Roosevelt

Back: Past Chuckles






Local events heading








  Today is Tuesday, Sept 2, the 245th day of 2014. There are 120 days left in the year.

1864 — 150 years ago: It is estimated that 300,000 people attended the recent Democratic convention in Chicago when Gen. George B. McClellan of New Jersey was nominated as a candidate for president of the United States.
1889 — 125 years ago: Alderman Frank Ill, Winslow Howard and Captain J.M. Montgomery returned from Milwaukee, where they attended the national Grand Army of the Republic encampment.
1914 — 100 years ago: Three members of the Rock Island YMCA accepted positions as physical directors of other associations. Albert Cook went to Kewanee, C.D. Curtis to Canton and Willis Woods to Leavenworth, Kan.
1939 — 75 years ago: Former President Herbert Hoover appealed for national support of President F.D. Roosevelt and Congress in every effort to keep the United States out of war.
1964 — 50 years ago: The Rock Island Junior chamber pf Commerce has received answers to about 65 % of the 600 questionnaires mailed out recently in a "Community Attitude Survey" to analyze sentiments of citizens towards their city's various recreational, educational, and civic service programs.
1989 — 25 years ago: The two thunderstorms passing through the Quad Cities last night and early today left some area residents reaching for their flashlights.






(More History)