Chuckles for September 2001
September 05
"I never married because there was no need. I have three pets at home which answer the same purpose as a husband. I have a dog which growls every morning, a parrot which swears all afternoon and a cat that comes home late at night." -- Marie Corelli
September 06
My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM - "Will you *look* at the dirt on the back of your neck!" www.jokesgalore.com
September 07
A dog thinks: Hey, these people I live with feed me, love me, provide me with a nice warm, dry house, pet me, and take good care of me... They must be Gods! A cat thinks: Hey, these people I live with feed me, love me, provide me with a nice warm, dry house, pet me, and take good care of me... I must be a God!www.oneliners-and-proverbs.com
September 08
Plane Too Close to Ground, Crash Probe Told -- Actual newspaper headline
September 10
If there is a 50-50 chance that something can go wrong, then 9 times out of ten it will. Paul Harvey News, 1979
September 11
My mother taught me RELIGION - "You better pray that will come out of the carpet." jokesgalore.com
September 12
" Have you ever noticed? Anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a moron." - George Carlin
September 13
Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes? www.oneliners-and-proverbs.com
September 14
My cat got stolen. I think it was taken by a purr snatcher. www.jokesgalore.com
September 17
Bad spellers of the world untie! www.surfwiz.com
September 18
If stores claim to be open 24 hours a day, seven days a week, why do they have locks on the doors? www.oneliners-and-proverbs.com
September 19
Q: What did one flea say to the other flea? A: Should we walk or take a dog? www.jokefile.co.uk
September 20
When they first invented the clock, how did they know what time it was to set it to? www.jokesgalore.com
September 21
Do people in Australia call the rest of the world 'up over'? www.jokesgalore.com
September 21
What kind of reptile tells time? A clock-odile. www.jokesgalore.com
September 24
The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket. www.jokesgalore.com
September 25
Why is it that bullets ricochet off of Superman’s chest, but he ducks when the gun is thrown at him?www.jokesgalore.com
September 26
What do flies eat with their hamburgers? French flies! jokesgalore.com
September 27
What magazine do cats like to read? Good Mousekeeping. jokesgalore.com
September 28
What do you get when you cross a duck with a computer? A quackintosh. jokesgalore.com
Back: Past Chuckles
|