Chuckles for July 2001

July 02
If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

July 03
"Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea." -- Robert A. Heinlein

July 07
A conclusion is simply the place where you got tired of thinking.

July 11
Opportunity may only knock once, but temptation raps for years.

July 17
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

July 18
``If it's true that you learn from your mistakes, I must be a genius.'' -- Red Green

July 19
Real Advertisement: Illiterate? Write today for free help.

July 20
One good thing about being wrong is the joy it brings to others.

July 23
"If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead." -- Johnny Carson

July 25
Help Wanted: Telepath. You know where to apply.

July 27
A sleeping pill will never take the place of a clear conscience. -- Edie Cantor.

July 28
I am patient with stupidity but not with those who are proud of it. - Edith Sitwell

July 30
Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth. --Erma Bombeck

Back: Past Chuckles

Local events heading

  Today is Thursday, April 17, the 107th day of 2014. There are 258 days left in the year.

1864 -- 150 years ago: Journeymen shoemakers of Rock Island struck for higher wages yesterday morning, asking 25 percent increases. Employers have acceded to their demand.
1889 -- 125 years ago: Lighting struck wires of the Merchants Electric Light Co. during a furious storm, and many Rock Island business houses were compelled to resort to gas as a means of illumination.
1914 -- 100 years ago: Members of the First Church of Christ, Scientist, decided to erect a new edifice at a cost of about $60,000.
1939 -- 75 years ago: Willard Anderson, junior forward for the Augustana College basketball team, which won 17 out of 22 contests, was elected captain of the quintet.
1964 -- 50 years ago: John Hoffman, Moline, president of the Sac-Fox Council of Boy Scouts, will be honored for his 50 years in scouting by members of the council at a dinner Thursday evening.
1989 -- 25 years ago: The Quad-Cities has what is believed to be the area's first elite-class gymnast. It's the stuff upon which Olympic competitors are made. Tiffany Chapman, of Rock Island, not only has earned the highest possible gymnast ranking, she won the honor at age 11.

(More History)