Chuckles for July 2001

July 02
If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

July 03
"Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea." -- Robert A. Heinlein

July 07
A conclusion is simply the place where you got tired of thinking.

July 11
Opportunity may only knock once, but temptation raps for years.

July 17
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

July 18
``If it's true that you learn from your mistakes, I must be a genius.'' -- Red Green

July 19
Real Advertisement: Illiterate? Write today for free help.

July 20
One good thing about being wrong is the joy it brings to others.

July 23
"If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead." -- Johnny Carson

July 25
Help Wanted: Telepath. You know where to apply.

July 27
A sleeping pill will never take the place of a clear conscience. -- Edie Cantor.

July 28
I am patient with stupidity but not with those who are proud of it. - Edith Sitwell

July 30
Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth. --Erma Bombeck

Back: Past Chuckles

Local events heading

  Today is Monday, July 28, the 209th day of 2014. There are 156 days left in the year.

1864 -- 150 years ago: Port Byron passengers and mails will be transported by the Sterling and Rock Island railroad.
1889 -- 125 years ago: The congregation of the First Methodist church worshiped in Harper's theater, where construction work is being done at the church site.
1914 -- 100 years ago: Three-eye baseball for Moline was assured the Danville Franchise will be transferred to the Plow city.
1939 -- 75 years ago: Roseville Methodist Church is observing its 100th anniversary.
1964 -- 50 years ago: The last remaining unfinished portion of Interstate 80 between the Quad-Cities and Joliet will be opened to traffic by Aug 12.
1989 -- 25 years ago: Of all the highlights of the last 12 years, this is the greatest of all, said Dennis Hitchcock, producer director of Circa '21 Dinner Playhouse, as he torched the mortgage, clearing a $220,000 loan financing the downtown Rock Island theater's beginnings in 1977.

(More History)