Chuckles for July 2001

July 02
If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

July 03
"Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea." -- Robert A. Heinlein

July 07
A conclusion is simply the place where you got tired of thinking.

July 11
Opportunity may only knock once, but temptation raps for years.

July 17
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

July 18
``If it's true that you learn from your mistakes, I must be a genius.'' -- Red Green

July 19
Real Advertisement: Illiterate? Write today for free help.

July 20
One good thing about being wrong is the joy it brings to others.

July 23
"If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead." -- Johnny Carson

July 25
Help Wanted: Telepath. You know where to apply.

July 27
A sleeping pill will never take the place of a clear conscience. -- Edie Cantor.

July 28
I am patient with stupidity but not with those who are proud of it. - Edith Sitwell

July 30
Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth. --Erma Bombeck

Back: Past Chuckles

Local events heading

  Today is Monday, Oct. 20, the 293rd day of 2014. There are 72 days left in the year.

1864 -- 150 years ago: The store of Devoe and Crampton was entered and robbed of about $500 worth of gold pens and pocket cutlery last night.
1889 -- 125 years ago: Michael Malloy was named president of the Tri-City Stone Cutters Union.
1914 -- 100 years ago: Dewitte C. Poole, former Moline newspaperman serving as vice consul general for the United States government in Paris, declared in a letter to friends that the once gay Paris is a city of sadness and desolation.
1939 -- 75 years ago: Plans for the construction of an $80,000 wholesale bakery at 2011 4th Ave. were announced by Harry and Nick Coin, of Rock Island. It is to be known as the Banquet Bakery.
1964 -- 50 years ago: An application has been filed for a state permit to organize a savings and loan association in Moline, it was announced. The applicants are Ben Butterworth, A.B. Lundahl, C. Richard Evans, John Harris, George Crampton and William Getz, all of Moline, Charles Roberts, Rock Island, and Charles Johnson, of Hampton.
1989 -- 25 years ago: Indian summer is quickly disappearing as temperatures slide into the 40s and 50s this week. Last week, highs were in the 80s.

(More History)