Chuckles for July 2001

July 02
If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

July 03
"Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea." -- Robert A. Heinlein

July 07
A conclusion is simply the place where you got tired of thinking.

July 11
Opportunity may only knock once, but temptation raps for years.

July 17
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

July 18
``If it's true that you learn from your mistakes, I must be a genius.'' -- Red Green

July 19
Real Advertisement: Illiterate? Write today for free help.

July 20
One good thing about being wrong is the joy it brings to others.

July 23
"If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead." -- Johnny Carson

July 25
Help Wanted: Telepath. You know where to apply.

July 27
A sleeping pill will never take the place of a clear conscience. -- Edie Cantor.

July 28
I am patient with stupidity but not with those who are proud of it. - Edith Sitwell

July 30
Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth. --Erma Bombeck

Back: Past Chuckles

Local events heading

  Today is Tuesday, Sept 2, the 245th day of 2014. There are 120 days left in the year.

1864 — 150 years ago: It is estimated that 300,000 people attended the recent Democratic convention in Chicago when Gen. George B. McClellan of New Jersey was nominated as a candidate for president of the United States.
1889 — 125 years ago: Alderman Frank Ill, Winslow Howard and Captain J.M. Montgomery returned from Milwaukee, where they attended the national Grand Army of the Republic encampment.
1914 — 100 years ago: Three members of the Rock Island YMCA accepted positions as physical directors of other associations. Albert Cook went to Kewanee, C.D. Curtis to Canton and Willis Woods to Leavenworth, Kan.
1939 — 75 years ago: Former President Herbert Hoover appealed for national support of President F.D. Roosevelt and Congress in every effort to keep the United States out of war.
1964 — 50 years ago: The Rock Island Junior chamber pf Commerce has received answers to about 65 % of the 600 questionnaires mailed out recently in a "Community Attitude Survey" to analyze sentiments of citizens towards their city's various recreational, educational, and civic service programs.
1989 — 25 years ago: The two thunderstorms passing through the Quad Cities last night and early today left some area residents reaching for their flashlights.

(More History)