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Chuckles for July 2001

July 02
If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

July 03
"Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea." -- Robert A. Heinlein

July 07
A conclusion is simply the place where you got tired of thinking.

July 11
Opportunity may only knock once, but temptation raps for years.

July 17
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

July 18
``If it's true that you learn from your mistakes, I must be a genius.'' -- Red Green

July 19
Real Advertisement: Illiterate? Write today for free help.

July 20
One good thing about being wrong is the joy it brings to others.

July 23
"If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead." -- Johnny Carson

July 25
Help Wanted: Telepath. You know where to apply.

July 27
A sleeping pill will never take the place of a clear conscience. -- Edie Cantor.

July 28
I am patient with stupidity but not with those who are proud of it. - Edith Sitwell

July 30
Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth. --Erma Bombeck

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Today is Tuesday, June 18, the 169th day of 2013. There are 196 days left in the year.
1863 -- 150 years ago: Fanatics have grown wonderfully civil since the president snubbedthem by revoking Burnside's infamous attack upon the freedom of the press.
1888 -- 125 years ago: The Interstate baseball league has collapsed, leaving Davenport'sleading team without a league connection.
1913 -- 100 years ago: Passengers were stunned yesterday when lightning struck a LongView street car at 9th Ave. and 25th St.
1938 -- 75 years ago: X-ray examinations today traced the trouble with Dizzy Dean's$250,000 pitching arm to a pulled muscle back of his right shoulder blade.
1963 -- 50 years ago: Radio station WQAD in Moline is being considered by the NationalCivil Defense Office for selection as a "secured communication center" Mrs. Gault,executive deputy director of the Moline Civil Defense unit reported today.
1988 -- 25 years ago: "Marketplace 29 A.D." an unusual vacation Bible school programthat will allow children to live three days as people did during the Bible Times June 21-23. The three day program, is a joint project of Aldersgate and Bethel-Wesley UnitedMethodist churches.

(More History)