Chuckles for June 2001



June 01
Have you ever noticed? Anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac. -- George Carlin

June 04
President Bush's 19-year-old twin daughters tried to buy alcohol using someone else's ID card … Apparently, they thought the restaurant owner wouldn’t recognize them, and would instead assume they were a DIFFERENT pair of young twin sisters who just happened to be surrounded by 22 Secret Service agents.

June 05
Did you hear about the midget fortune teller who escaped from jail? The headlines in next day's papers read: "Small medium at large"

June 06
"(The Weakest Link) is fascinating program. They ask a bunch of people questions and they keep getting rid of the dumbest person, so just the smartest person is left. It is kind of the opposite way we elect a president." — Jay Leno

June 07
You may be addicted to the Internet, if ... You get a tattoo that reads "This body best viewed with Netscape 4.0 or higher."

June 08
Politicians and diapers have one thing in common ... They should both be changed regularly and for the same reason. (www.humordatabase.com)

June 18
Forget about world peace... visualize using your turn signal.

June 19
The old believe everything, the middle-aged suspect everything, the young know everything. -- Oscar Wilde

June 21
Multitasking -- screwing up several things at once.

June 25
Things You Don't Want to Hear During Surgery: "Better save that. We'll need it for the autopsy."

June 26
New York has forbidden the use of in-car cellphones without headsets… Surprisingly, however, despite this effort to force drivers to keep two hands on the wheel, there are NO current plans to ban manual transmissions… (www.newsjoke.com)

June 28
Classified bloopers: Wanted: 50 girls for stripping machine operators in factory.

June 29
The golfer's wife was in full flight. "If you ever spent a Sunday with me instead of playing golf I swear I would drop dead," she screamed. "There's no point in trying to bribe me," replied the husband. -- (www.humor.com)

Back: Past Chuckles






Local events heading








  Today is Tuesday, Sept 2, the 245th day of 2014. There are 120 days left in the year.

1864 — 150 years ago: It is estimated that 300,000 people attended the recent Democratic convention in Chicago when Gen. George B. McClellan of New Jersey was nominated as a candidate for president of the United States.
1889 — 125 years ago: Alderman Frank Ill, Winslow Howard and Captain J.M. Montgomery returned from Milwaukee, where they attended the national Grand Army of the Republic encampment.
1914 — 100 years ago: Three members of the Rock Island YMCA accepted positions as physical directors of other associations. Albert Cook went to Kewanee, C.D. Curtis to Canton and Willis Woods to Leavenworth, Kan.
1939 — 75 years ago: Former President Herbert Hoover appealed for national support of President F.D. Roosevelt and Congress in every effort to keep the United States out of war.
1964 — 50 years ago: The Rock Island Junior chamber pf Commerce has received answers to about 65 % of the 600 questionnaires mailed out recently in a "Community Attitude Survey" to analyze sentiments of citizens towards their city's various recreational, educational, and civic service programs.
1989 — 25 years ago: The two thunderstorms passing through the Quad Cities last night and early today left some area residents reaching for their flashlights.






(More History)