Chuckles for May 2001



May 01
If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular? -- George Carlin

May 07
An atheist's worst moment is being truly grateful with no one to thank.

May 08
Always use tasteful words. You may have to eat them.

May 11
"Wagner's music is better than it sounds" -- Mark Twain

May 15
Attitude might not catch fish, but it helps when you don't. (oneliners-and-proverbs.com)

May 16
If ever you are feeling unwanted or insignificant, try missing a couple of mortgage repayments.

May 21
One golfer tells another: "Hey, guess what! I got a set of golf clubs for my wife!" The other replies: "GREAT trade!"

May 22
The use of medical marijuana has been ruled illegal, by a group of justices who are truly experts in the field… After all, they ARE known as the “High Court”! (www.newsjoke.com)

May 24
Q: What's the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead lawyer in the road? A: There are skid marks in front of the dog

May 26
Q: Why do men like blonde jokes? A: It is one thing they can understand

May 29
The second day of a diet is always easier than the first. By the second day you're off it. -- Jackie Gleason

May 30
I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.

Back: Past Chuckles






Local events heading








  Today is Monday, Sept. 1, the 244th day of 2014. There are 121 days left in the year.

1864 -- 150 years ago: We are informed by J.H. Hull that the reason the street sprinkler was not at work yesterday settling the dust on the streets, was because one of his horses was injured.
1889 -- 125 years ago: Bonnie McGregor, a fleet-footed stallion owned by S.W. Wheelock of this community, covered himself with glory at Lexington, Ky, when he ran a mile in 2:13 1/2. The horse's value was estimated as at least $50,000.
1914 -- 100 years ago: Troops are pouring into Paris to prepare for defense of the city. The German army is reported to be only 60 miles from the capital of France.
1939 -- 75 years ago: The German army has invaded Poland in undeclared warfare. Poland has appealed to Great Britain and France for aid.
1964 -- 50 years ago: Publication of a plant newspaper, the Farmall Works News, has been launched at the Rock Island IHC factory and replaces a managerial newsletter.
1989 -- 25 years ago: Officials predict Monday's Rock Island Labor Parade will be the biggest and best ever. Last minute work continues on floats and costumes for the parade, which steps off a 9:30 a.m.




(More History)