Chuckles for May 2001



May 01
If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular? -- George Carlin

May 07
An atheist's worst moment is being truly grateful with no one to thank.

May 08
Always use tasteful words. You may have to eat them.

May 11
"Wagner's music is better than it sounds" -- Mark Twain

May 15
Attitude might not catch fish, but it helps when you don't. (oneliners-and-proverbs.com)

May 16
If ever you are feeling unwanted or insignificant, try missing a couple of mortgage repayments.

May 21
One golfer tells another: "Hey, guess what! I got a set of golf clubs for my wife!" The other replies: "GREAT trade!"

May 22
The use of medical marijuana has been ruled illegal, by a group of justices who are truly experts in the field… After all, they ARE known as the “High Court”! (www.newsjoke.com)

May 24
Q: What's the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead lawyer in the road? A: There are skid marks in front of the dog

May 26
Q: Why do men like blonde jokes? A: It is one thing they can understand

May 29
The second day of a diet is always easier than the first. By the second day you're off it. -- Jackie Gleason

May 30
I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.

Back: Past Chuckles





Local events heading








  Today is Sunday, July 27, the 208th day of 2014. There are 157 days left in the year.

1864 -- 150 years ago: The Rock Island Paper Mill is now operating. It is an establishment which our people ought to encourage by saving all rags for the mill, where you can get cash and the highest prices for them.
1889 -- 125 years ago: E. W. Robinson purchased from J.T. Miller the livery stable on the triangle south of Market Square.
1914 -- 100 years ago: Henry Kramer was elected president of the Tri-City Typothetae Franklin Club, which took the place of the Tri-City Ben Franklin Club.
1939 -- 75 years ago: Mrs. Floyd Furh, Illinois City, was first-place winner in the second annual Gov. Horner Farm floral contest.
1964 -- 50 years ago: Nearly 4,000 people are expected to attend weekend sessions of the Jehovah's Witnesses Assembly being held at the Masonic Temple.
1989 -- 25 years ago: The B-29 Super-Fortress bomber is impressive looking, and it did the job during World War II. Its claim to fame is dropping the atomic bombs in Japan to end the war. Only one B-29 is operational in the world today. It is on display at the Quad City Airport in Moline until Friday.






(More History)