Chuckles for May 2001



May 01
If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular? -- George Carlin

May 07
An atheist's worst moment is being truly grateful with no one to thank.

May 08
Always use tasteful words. You may have to eat them.

May 11
"Wagner's music is better than it sounds" -- Mark Twain

May 15
Attitude might not catch fish, but it helps when you don't. (oneliners-and-proverbs.com)

May 16
If ever you are feeling unwanted or insignificant, try missing a couple of mortgage repayments.

May 21
One golfer tells another: "Hey, guess what! I got a set of golf clubs for my wife!" The other replies: "GREAT trade!"

May 22
The use of medical marijuana has been ruled illegal, by a group of justices who are truly experts in the field… After all, they ARE known as the “High Court”! (www.newsjoke.com)

May 24
Q: What's the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead lawyer in the road? A: There are skid marks in front of the dog

May 26
Q: Why do men like blonde jokes? A: It is one thing they can understand

May 29
The second day of a diet is always easier than the first. By the second day you're off it. -- Jackie Gleason

May 30
I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.

Back: Past Chuckles





Local events heading








  Today is Saturday, April 19, the 109th day of 2014. There are 256 days left in the year.

1864 -- 150 years ago: Miss McCorkindale has opened millinery rooms over Gimbel's dry goods store, where she offers a choice lot of millinery goods, which she will manufacture to order.
1889 -- 125 years ago: The little South Park Presbyterian chapel celebrated it first Easter decorated with flowers for an afternoon worship service attended by a large congregation.
1914 -- 100 years ago: The Wennerberg Chorus of Augustana College has returned from a 2,000-mile tour in the Eastern states and Illinois.
1939 -- 75 years ago: Col. Charles Lindbergh has stated that he is convinced that Germany's air force is equal to the combined sky fleets of her potential European foes.
1964 -- 50 years ago: Small gas motors may be permitted on boats in the lake to be built in Loud Thunder Forest Preserve. The prospect was discussed yesterday at a meeting of the Rock Island County Forest Preserve Commission.
1989 -- 25 years ago: The annual Dispatch/Rock Island Argus Spelling Bee continues to be a family tradition. Ed Lee, an eighth-grader at John Deere Junior High School, Moline, is the 1989 spelling bee champion from among 49 top spellers in Rock Island, Henry and Mercer counties. He advances to the competition in Washington, D.C. Runnerup was Ed's sister, Susan.






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