Chuckles for March 2001



March 01
The good news about midlife is the glass is still half-full. Of course, the bad news is that it won't be long before your teeth are floating in it. (www.jokeaday.com)

March 01
The good news about midlife is the glass is still half-full. Of course, the bad news is that it won't be long before your teeth are floating in it. (www.jokeaday.com)

March 02
Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"? (www.jokeaday.com)

March 05
Explain to me why there is brail on drive through ATM machines! (www.humor.com)

March 07
We've all heard the great philosophical theory concerning an empty forest and a tree falling, well here's another: If a man is openly expressing an opinion, and there's no woman around in earshot, is he still wrong?? (www.humor.com)

March 08
You May Be Suffering From Burnout if . . . You think about how relaxing it would be if you were in jail right now. (wwww.jokeaday.com)

March 12
Measurement Conversions: 1 million bicycles = 2 megacycles (wwww.jokeaday.com)

March 13
Traffic accident reports: "I was thrown from my car as it left the road. I was later found in a ditch by some stray cows." (wwww.jokeaday.com)

March 14
Sign Your Child Wasn't Cut Out for College: He sucks at Algebra, but is a natural born wizard at high-speed French fry portion control. (www.top5.com)

March 15
If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague. (www.cleanjokespage.com)

March 17
Resume Cover Letter: "Enclosed is a ruff draft of my resume."

March 19
If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill themselves, is it considered a hostage situation? (www.jokeaday.com)

March 20
Measurement Conversions: 365.25 days of drinking low-calorie beer because it's less filling = One lite year. (www.jokeaday.com)

March 22
Rules Of The Air: Every takeoff is optional. Every landing is mandatory. (www.jokeaday.com)

March 23
If at first you don't succeed, try again. Then quit. No use being a fool about it.

March 26
If it wasn't for the last minute, nothing would get done.

March 27
Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn't the work he/she is supposed to be doing.

March 30
If you are good, you will be assigned all the work. If you are really good, you will get out of it.

March 30
What do Michael Jackson and the The Chicago Cubs have in common? They both wear one glove for no reason. (www.humor.com)

Back: Past Chuckles





Local events heading








  Today is Wednesday, Aug. 20, the 232nd day of 2014. There are 133 days left in the year.
1864 -- 150 years ago: Quite a number of Negroes have lately been brought here by abolition offers returning from the army in violation of the laws of the state.
1889 -- 125 years ago: Miss Tillie Denkmann, of Rock Island, was making plans to accompany a Davenport family on a tour of Europe.
1914 -- 100 years ago: The German advance into Belgium was going apparently without serious check. The American ambassador at Berlin published a denial of the charge that Americans had been ill-treated in Germany.
1939 -- 75 years ago: Seventy-two members of Rock Island High School's 1939 graduating class are preparing to enter college — 34 of them at Augustana.
1964 -- 50 years ago: One of the oldest buildings in Milan, which for a number of years has housed the Milan Hotel, will be razed to make way for a modern, two-story office structure.
1989 -- 25 years ago: Some are blaming it on the sudden influx of insects and the extreme humidity. Still others say the invasion was inspired by a recent movie. But whatever the reason, the Quad-Cities is swarming with bats.




(More History)