Chuckles for March 2001



March 01
The good news about midlife is the glass is still half-full. Of course, the bad news is that it won't be long before your teeth are floating in it. (www.jokeaday.com)

March 01
The good news about midlife is the glass is still half-full. Of course, the bad news is that it won't be long before your teeth are floating in it. (www.jokeaday.com)

March 02
Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"? (www.jokeaday.com)

March 05
Explain to me why there is brail on drive through ATM machines! (www.humor.com)

March 07
We've all heard the great philosophical theory concerning an empty forest and a tree falling, well here's another: If a man is openly expressing an opinion, and there's no woman around in earshot, is he still wrong?? (www.humor.com)

March 08
You May Be Suffering From Burnout if . . . You think about how relaxing it would be if you were in jail right now. (wwww.jokeaday.com)

March 12
Measurement Conversions: 1 million bicycles = 2 megacycles (wwww.jokeaday.com)

March 13
Traffic accident reports: "I was thrown from my car as it left the road. I was later found in a ditch by some stray cows." (wwww.jokeaday.com)

March 14
Sign Your Child Wasn't Cut Out for College: He sucks at Algebra, but is a natural born wizard at high-speed French fry portion control. (www.top5.com)

March 15
If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague. (www.cleanjokespage.com)

March 17
Resume Cover Letter: "Enclosed is a ruff draft of my resume."

March 19
If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill themselves, is it considered a hostage situation? (www.jokeaday.com)

March 20
Measurement Conversions: 365.25 days of drinking low-calorie beer because it's less filling = One lite year. (www.jokeaday.com)

March 22
Rules Of The Air: Every takeoff is optional. Every landing is mandatory. (www.jokeaday.com)

March 23
If at first you don't succeed, try again. Then quit. No use being a fool about it.

March 26
If it wasn't for the last minute, nothing would get done.

March 27
Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn't the work he/she is supposed to be doing.

March 30
If you are good, you will be assigned all the work. If you are really good, you will get out of it.

March 30
What do Michael Jackson and the The Chicago Cubs have in common? They both wear one glove for no reason. (www.humor.com)

Back: Past Chuckles




Local events heading










  Today is Wednesday, June 19, the 170th day of 2013. There are 195 days left in the year.
1863 -- 150 years ago: The treasurer of Mercer County has been instructed to sell all thespecie now in the treasury for the highest premium in legal tender and to report same atthe next board meeting.
1888 -- 125 years ago: J.S. Freeman has been elected president of the Recreation Club ofthe Rock Island YMCA.
1913 -- 100 years ago: Rock Island voters will decide next Tuesday on the proposal toconsolidate with South Rock Island Township.
1938 -- 75 years ago: The Rev. Frederick J. Rolf will round out his 30th year as pastor ofthe Evangelical Church of Peace at Sunday worship services.
1963 -- 50 years ago: Dennis Kelly, of Moline High School, has been named a winner inTime Magazine's 27th annual current affairs contest.
1988 -- 25 years ago: The Martin Luther King Community Center will participate in theSummer Food Service Program. Free meals will be made available to all children 18years of age and younger.






(More History)