Chuckles for March 2001



March 01
The good news about midlife is the glass is still half-full. Of course, the bad news is that it won't be long before your teeth are floating in it. (www.jokeaday.com)

March 01
The good news about midlife is the glass is still half-full. Of course, the bad news is that it won't be long before your teeth are floating in it. (www.jokeaday.com)

March 02
Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"? (www.jokeaday.com)

March 05
Explain to me why there is brail on drive through ATM machines! (www.humor.com)

March 07
We've all heard the great philosophical theory concerning an empty forest and a tree falling, well here's another: If a man is openly expressing an opinion, and there's no woman around in earshot, is he still wrong?? (www.humor.com)

March 08
You May Be Suffering From Burnout if . . . You think about how relaxing it would be if you were in jail right now. (wwww.jokeaday.com)

March 12
Measurement Conversions: 1 million bicycles = 2 megacycles (wwww.jokeaday.com)

March 13
Traffic accident reports: "I was thrown from my car as it left the road. I was later found in a ditch by some stray cows." (wwww.jokeaday.com)

March 14
Sign Your Child Wasn't Cut Out for College: He sucks at Algebra, but is a natural born wizard at high-speed French fry portion control. (www.top5.com)

March 15
If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague. (www.cleanjokespage.com)

March 17
Resume Cover Letter: "Enclosed is a ruff draft of my resume."

March 19
If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill themselves, is it considered a hostage situation? (www.jokeaday.com)

March 20
Measurement Conversions: 365.25 days of drinking low-calorie beer because it's less filling = One lite year. (www.jokeaday.com)

March 22
Rules Of The Air: Every takeoff is optional. Every landing is mandatory. (www.jokeaday.com)

March 23
If at first you don't succeed, try again. Then quit. No use being a fool about it.

March 26
If it wasn't for the last minute, nothing would get done.

March 27
Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn't the work he/she is supposed to be doing.

March 30
If you are good, you will be assigned all the work. If you are really good, you will get out of it.

March 30
What do Michael Jackson and the The Chicago Cubs have in common? They both wear one glove for no reason. (www.humor.com)

Back: Past Chuckles





Local events heading








  Today is Thursday, April 17, the 107th day of 2014. There are 258 days left in the year.

1864 -- 150 years ago: Journeymen shoemakers of Rock Island struck for higher wages yesterday morning, asking 25 percent increases. Employers have acceded to their demand.
1889 -- 125 years ago: Lighting struck wires of the Merchants Electric Light Co. during a furious storm, and many Rock Island business houses were compelled to resort to gas as a means of illumination.
1914 -- 100 years ago: Members of the First Church of Christ, Scientist, decided to erect a new edifice at a cost of about $60,000.
1939 -- 75 years ago: Willard Anderson, junior forward for the Augustana College basketball team, which won 17 out of 22 contests, was elected captain of the quintet.
1964 -- 50 years ago: John Hoffman, Moline, president of the Sac-Fox Council of Boy Scouts, will be honored for his 50 years in scouting by members of the council at a dinner Thursday evening.
1989 -- 25 years ago: The Quad-Cities has what is believed to be the area's first elite-class gymnast. It's the stuff upon which Olympic competitors are made. Tiffany Chapman, of Rock Island, not only has earned the highest possible gymnast ranking, she won the honor at age 11.






(More History)