LOCAL FOOTBALL SCORING UPDATES PRESENTED BY THE HUNGRY HOBO:

Chuckles for March 2001



March 01
The good news about midlife is the glass is still half-full. Of course, the bad news is that it won't be long before your teeth are floating in it. (www.jokeaday.com)

March 01
The good news about midlife is the glass is still half-full. Of course, the bad news is that it won't be long before your teeth are floating in it. (www.jokeaday.com)

March 02
Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"? (www.jokeaday.com)

March 05
Explain to me why there is brail on drive through ATM machines! (www.humor.com)

March 07
We've all heard the great philosophical theory concerning an empty forest and a tree falling, well here's another: If a man is openly expressing an opinion, and there's no woman around in earshot, is he still wrong?? (www.humor.com)

March 08
You May Be Suffering From Burnout if . . . You think about how relaxing it would be if you were in jail right now. (wwww.jokeaday.com)

March 12
Measurement Conversions: 1 million bicycles = 2 megacycles (wwww.jokeaday.com)

March 13
Traffic accident reports: "I was thrown from my car as it left the road. I was later found in a ditch by some stray cows." (wwww.jokeaday.com)

March 14
Sign Your Child Wasn't Cut Out for College: He sucks at Algebra, but is a natural born wizard at high-speed French fry portion control. (www.top5.com)

March 15
If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague. (www.cleanjokespage.com)

March 17
Resume Cover Letter: "Enclosed is a ruff draft of my resume."

March 19
If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill themselves, is it considered a hostage situation? (www.jokeaday.com)

March 20
Measurement Conversions: 365.25 days of drinking low-calorie beer because it's less filling = One lite year. (www.jokeaday.com)

March 22
Rules Of The Air: Every takeoff is optional. Every landing is mandatory. (www.jokeaday.com)

March 23
If at first you don't succeed, try again. Then quit. No use being a fool about it.

March 26
If it wasn't for the last minute, nothing would get done.

March 27
Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn't the work he/she is supposed to be doing.

March 30
If you are good, you will be assigned all the work. If you are really good, you will get out of it.

March 30
What do Michael Jackson and the The Chicago Cubs have in common? They both wear one glove for no reason. (www.humor.com)

Back: Past Chuckles





Local events heading








  Today is Monday, Sept. 22, the 265th day of 2014. There are 100 days left in the year.

1864 -- 150 years ago: The board of education has granted Thursday as a holiday for the children, with the expectation that parents who desire to have their children attend the Scott County Fair will do so on that day and save irregularity the rest of the week.
1889 -- 125 years ago: The guard fence around the new cement walk at the Harper House has been removed. The blocks are diamond shape, alternating in black and white.
1914 -- 100 years ago: The Rev. R.B. Williams, former pastor of the First Methodist Church, Rock Island, was named superintendent of the Rock Island District.
1939 -- 75 years ago: Abnormally high temperatures and lack of rainfall in Illinois during the past week have speeded maturing of corn and soybean crops.
1964 -- 50 years ago: Installation of a new television system in St. Anthony's Hospital, which includes a closed circuit channel as well as the three regular Quad-Cities channels, has been completed and now is in operation.
1989 -- 25 years ago: When the new Moline High School was built in 1958, along with it were plans to construct a football field in the bowl near 34th Street on the campus. Wednesday afternoon, more than 30 years later, the Moline Board of Education Athletic Board sent the ball rolling toward the possible construction of that field by asking superintendent Richard Hennigan to take to the board of education a proposal to hire a consultant.






(More History)