Chuckles for March 2001



March 01
The good news about midlife is the glass is still half-full. Of course, the bad news is that it won't be long before your teeth are floating in it. (www.jokeaday.com)

March 01
The good news about midlife is the glass is still half-full. Of course, the bad news is that it won't be long before your teeth are floating in it. (www.jokeaday.com)

March 02
Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"? (www.jokeaday.com)

March 05
Explain to me why there is brail on drive through ATM machines! (www.humor.com)

March 07
We've all heard the great philosophical theory concerning an empty forest and a tree falling, well here's another: If a man is openly expressing an opinion, and there's no woman around in earshot, is he still wrong?? (www.humor.com)

March 08
You May Be Suffering From Burnout if . . . You think about how relaxing it would be if you were in jail right now. (wwww.jokeaday.com)

March 12
Measurement Conversions: 1 million bicycles = 2 megacycles (wwww.jokeaday.com)

March 13
Traffic accident reports: "I was thrown from my car as it left the road. I was later found in a ditch by some stray cows." (wwww.jokeaday.com)

March 14
Sign Your Child Wasn't Cut Out for College: He sucks at Algebra, but is a natural born wizard at high-speed French fry portion control. (www.top5.com)

March 15
If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague. (www.cleanjokespage.com)

March 17
Resume Cover Letter: "Enclosed is a ruff draft of my resume."

March 19
If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill themselves, is it considered a hostage situation? (www.jokeaday.com)

March 20
Measurement Conversions: 365.25 days of drinking low-calorie beer because it's less filling = One lite year. (www.jokeaday.com)

March 22
Rules Of The Air: Every takeoff is optional. Every landing is mandatory. (www.jokeaday.com)

March 23
If at first you don't succeed, try again. Then quit. No use being a fool about it.

March 26
If it wasn't for the last minute, nothing would get done.

March 27
Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn't the work he/she is supposed to be doing.

March 30
If you are good, you will be assigned all the work. If you are really good, you will get out of it.

March 30
What do Michael Jackson and the The Chicago Cubs have in common? They both wear one glove for no reason. (www.humor.com)

Back: Past Chuckles





Local events heading








  Today is Wednesday, April 23, the 113th day of 2014. There are 252 days left in the year.

1864 — 150 years ago: Some persons are negotiating for 80 feet of ground on Illinois Street with a view of erecting four stores thereon. It would serve a better purpose if the money was invested in neat tenement houses.
1889 — 125 years ago: The Central station, car house and stables of the Moline-Rock Island Horse Railway line of the Holmes syndicate, together with 15 cars and 42 head of horses, were destroyed by fire. The loss was at $15,000.
1914 — 100 years ago: Vera Cruz, Mexico, after a day and night of resistance to American forces, gradually ceased opposition. The American forces took complete control of the city.
1939 — 75 years ago: Dr. R. Bruce Collins was reelected for a second term as president of the Lower Rock Island County Tuberculosis Association.
1964 — 50 years ago: Work is scheduled to begin this summer on construction of a new men's residence complex and an addition to the dining facilities at Westerlin Hall at Augustana College.
1989 — 25 years ago: Special Olympics competitors were triple winners at Rock Island High School Saturday. The participants vanquished the rain that fell during the competition, and some won their events; but most important, they triumphed over their own disabilities.




(More History)