Chuckles for February 2001



February 01
Middle age is having a choice of two temptations and choosing the one that will get you home the earliest. (www.jokester.com)

February 05
Why did the stoplight turn red? Wouldn't you if you had to change in the middle of the street?? (www.jokester.com)

February 07
Once there was a race between a water hose ,a tomato ,and lettuce. Who do you think won? Well, last time I checked, the hose was still running ,the tomato was trying to ketchup ,and the lettuce was ahead. (www.jokester.com)

February 08
"If man evolved from apes why do we still have apes?" -- Dennis Miller

February 09
"The second day of a diet is always easier than the first. By the second day you're off it." -- Jackie Gleason

February 12
Stuff I'm Now Saying At Work: I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid. (www.jokeaday.com)

February 14
A wife drew her husband's attention to the couple next door and said, "Do you see that couple? How devoted they are? He kisses her every time they meet. Why don't you do that ? "I'd love to." replied the husband, "but I don't know her well enough." (www.jokester.com)

February 15
The weather for catching fish is that weather, and no other, in which fish are caught.

February 16
You May No Longer Be Cool If . . . You turn down free tickets to a rock concert because you have to work the next day. (www.jokeaday.com)

February 19
Adolescence and snow are the only problems that disappear if you ignore them long enough.(Oneliners-and-proverbs.com)

February 20
By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher...and that is a good thing for any man. (Socrates)

February 21
Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle? (jokeaday.com)

February 22
Car Accident Reports: "The indirect cause of this accident was a little guy in a small car with a big mouth." (www.jokeaday.com)

February 23
"When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years." -- Mark Twain

February 26
"All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence, and then success is sure." -- Mark Twain

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Local events heading








  Today is Wednesday, Aug. 20, the 232nd day of 2014. There are 133 days left in the year.
1864 -- 150 years ago: Quite a number of Negroes have lately been brought here by abolition offers returning from the army in violation of the laws of the state.
1889 -- 125 years ago: Miss Tillie Denkmann, of Rock Island, was making plans to accompany a Davenport family on a tour of Europe.
1914 -- 100 years ago: The German advance into Belgium was going apparently without serious check. The American ambassador at Berlin published a denial of the charge that Americans had been ill-treated in Germany.
1939 -- 75 years ago: Seventy-two members of Rock Island High School's 1939 graduating class are preparing to enter college — 34 of them at Augustana.
1964 -- 50 years ago: One of the oldest buildings in Milan, which for a number of years has housed the Milan Hotel, will be razed to make way for a modern, two-story office structure.
1989 -- 25 years ago: Some are blaming it on the sudden influx of insects and the extreme humidity. Still others say the invasion was inspired by a recent movie. But whatever the reason, the Quad-Cities is swarming with bats.




(More History)