Chuckles for February 2001



February 01
Middle age is having a choice of two temptations and choosing the one that will get you home the earliest. (www.jokester.com)

February 05
Why did the stoplight turn red? Wouldn't you if you had to change in the middle of the street?? (www.jokester.com)

February 07
Once there was a race between a water hose ,a tomato ,and lettuce. Who do you think won? Well, last time I checked, the hose was still running ,the tomato was trying to ketchup ,and the lettuce was ahead. (www.jokester.com)

February 08
"If man evolved from apes why do we still have apes?" -- Dennis Miller

February 09
"The second day of a diet is always easier than the first. By the second day you're off it." -- Jackie Gleason

February 12
Stuff I'm Now Saying At Work: I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid. (www.jokeaday.com)

February 14
A wife drew her husband's attention to the couple next door and said, "Do you see that couple? How devoted they are? He kisses her every time they meet. Why don't you do that ? "I'd love to." replied the husband, "but I don't know her well enough." (www.jokester.com)

February 15
The weather for catching fish is that weather, and no other, in which fish are caught.

February 16
You May No Longer Be Cool If . . . You turn down free tickets to a rock concert because you have to work the next day. (www.jokeaday.com)

February 19
Adolescence and snow are the only problems that disappear if you ignore them long enough.(Oneliners-and-proverbs.com)

February 20
By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher...and that is a good thing for any man. (Socrates)

February 21
Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle? (jokeaday.com)

February 22
Car Accident Reports: "The indirect cause of this accident was a little guy in a small car with a big mouth." (www.jokeaday.com)

February 23
"When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years." -- Mark Twain

February 26
"All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence, and then success is sure." -- Mark Twain

Back: Past Chuckles





Local events heading








  Today is Thursday, July 24, the 205th day of 2014. There are 160 days left in the year.

1864 -- 150 years ago: The Rev. R.J. Humphrey, once a clergyman in this city, was reported killed in a quarrel in New Orleans.
1889 -- 125 years ago: The Rock Island Citizens Improvement Association held a special meeting to consider the proposition of consolidating Rock Island and Moline.
1914 -- 100 years ago: The home of A. Freeman, 806 3rd Ave., was entered by a burglar while a circus parade was in progress and about $100 worth of jewelry and $5 in cash were taken.
1939 -- 75 years ago: The million dollar dredge, Rock Island, of the Rock Island district of United States engineers will be in this area this week to deepen the channel at the site of the new Rock Island-Davenport bridge.
1964 -- 50 years ago: The Argus "walked" to a 13-0 victory over American Container Corporation last night to clinch the championship of Rock Island's A Softball League at Northwest Douglas Park.
1989 -- 25 years ago: The Immediate Care Center emergency medical office at South Park Mall is moving back to United Medical Center on Sept. 1. After nearly six years in operation at the mall, Care Center employees are upset by UMC's decision. The center is used by 700 to 800 people each month.








(More History)