Chuckles for January 2001



January 02
"Anger is one letter away from danger." --Eleanor Roosevelt

January 03
Bad Predictions: "I think there is a world market for maybe five computers." -- Thomas Watson, chairman of IBM, 1943.

January 04
"Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon having a good time." -- A sign in a laundry in Rome.

January 05
Things My Kids Have Taught Me: If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can, and will ignite.

January 08
Rules for combat: Try to look unimportant, they may be low on ammo.

January 09
More "Laws" About Men: Whenever you meet a man who would make a good husband, you will usually find that he is.

January 10
If a swamp frog goes ribb-it...ribb-it...ribb-it; and a Busch frog goes bud....wis....er; What does a Windows 95 frog sound like? Re-boot... re- boot... re-boot

January 12
Know why a room full of married people looks so empty? There's not a single person in it...

January 15
When we talk to God it's called prayer. When God talks back it's called schizophrenia.

January 16
A crisis is when you can't say, "Let's just forget the whole thing!" (oneliners-and-proverbs.com)

January 20
A man who spoke little English struggled to explain that his wife could not have children, saying 'She is unbearable.' Getting a blank stare, he tried, 'She is impregnable.' Then finally he figured he had it: 'She is inconceivable!'

January 23
Love is an ideal thing, marriage a real thing; a confusion of the real with the ideal never goes unpunished. -- Goethe

January 24
Mahatma Ghandi walked barefoot everywhere, to the point that his feet became quite thick and hard. He also was quite a spiritual person. Even when he was not on a hunger strike, he did not eat much and became quite thin and frail. Furthermore, due to his diet, he had bad breath... He came to be known as a: super calloused fragile mystic plagued with halitosis. (www.jokesplus.com)

January 26
A waiter brings the customer the steak he ordered with his thumb over the meat. "Are you crazy?" yelled the customer, "with your hand on my steak?" "What" answers the waiter, "You want it to fall on the floor again?" (www.jokester.com)

January 26
Why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor when you can't drink and drive?

January 29
A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices. --William James

January 31
Don't be afraid to try something new. An amateur built the ark. Professionals built the Titanic. (www.jokester.com)

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  Today is Monday, July 28, the 209th day of 2014. There are 156 days left in the year.

1864 -- 150 years ago: Port Byron passengers and mails will be transported by the Sterling and Rock Island railroad.
1889 -- 125 years ago: The congregation of the First Methodist church worshiped in Harper's theater, where construction work is being done at the church site.
1914 -- 100 years ago: Three-eye baseball for Moline was assured the Danville Franchise will be transferred to the Plow city.
1939 -- 75 years ago: Roseville Methodist Church is observing its 100th anniversary.
1964 -- 50 years ago: The last remaining unfinished portion of Interstate 80 between the Quad-Cities and Joliet will be opened to traffic by Aug 12.
1989 -- 25 years ago: Of all the highlights of the last 12 years, this is the greatest of all, said Dennis Hitchcock, producer director of Circa '21 Dinner Playhouse, as he torched the mortgage, clearing a $220,000 loan financing the downtown Rock Island theater's beginnings in 1977.




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