Chuckles for January 2001



January 02
"Anger is one letter away from danger." --Eleanor Roosevelt

January 03
Bad Predictions: "I think there is a world market for maybe five computers." -- Thomas Watson, chairman of IBM, 1943.

January 04
"Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon having a good time." -- A sign in a laundry in Rome.

January 05
Things My Kids Have Taught Me: If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can, and will ignite.

January 08
Rules for combat: Try to look unimportant, they may be low on ammo.

January 09
More "Laws" About Men: Whenever you meet a man who would make a good husband, you will usually find that he is.

January 10
If a swamp frog goes ribb-it...ribb-it...ribb-it; and a Busch frog goes bud....wis....er; What does a Windows 95 frog sound like? Re-boot... re- boot... re-boot

January 12
Know why a room full of married people looks so empty? There's not a single person in it...

January 15
When we talk to God it's called prayer. When God talks back it's called schizophrenia.

January 16
A crisis is when you can't say, "Let's just forget the whole thing!" (oneliners-and-proverbs.com)

January 20
A man who spoke little English struggled to explain that his wife could not have children, saying 'She is unbearable.' Getting a blank stare, he tried, 'She is impregnable.' Then finally he figured he had it: 'She is inconceivable!'

January 23
Love is an ideal thing, marriage a real thing; a confusion of the real with the ideal never goes unpunished. -- Goethe

January 24
Mahatma Ghandi walked barefoot everywhere, to the point that his feet became quite thick and hard. He also was quite a spiritual person. Even when he was not on a hunger strike, he did not eat much and became quite thin and frail. Furthermore, due to his diet, he had bad breath... He came to be known as a: super calloused fragile mystic plagued with halitosis. (www.jokesplus.com)

January 26
A waiter brings the customer the steak he ordered with his thumb over the meat. "Are you crazy?" yelled the customer, "with your hand on my steak?" "What" answers the waiter, "You want it to fall on the floor again?" (www.jokester.com)

January 26
Why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor when you can't drink and drive?

January 29
A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices. --William James

January 31
Don't be afraid to try something new. An amateur built the ark. Professionals built the Titanic. (www.jokester.com)

Back: Past Chuckles





Local events heading








  Today is Friday, April 25, the 115th day of 2014. There are 250 days left in the year.

1864 — 150 years ago: Never in the history of Rock Island was there such a demand for houses as at present. Our city is suffering for the want of suitable tenement houses.

1889 — 125 years ago: The choir of Central Presbyterian Church presented a ladies concert under the direction of S.T. Bowlby.

1914 — 100 years ago: Miss Rosella Benson was elected president of the Standard Bearers of Spencer Memorial Methodist Church.

1939 — 75 years ago: Mrs. Nell Clapper was elected president of the Rock Island Business and Professional Women's Club.

1964 — 50 years ago: Gerald Hickman, of Seattle, Wash, will move his family to Rock Island to assume the position of produce buyer for the Eagle Food Center chain of food stores. This announcement was made today by Bernard Weindruch, president of Eagles.

1989 — 25 years ago: Care & Share, formed in 1984 to provide food to jobless and needy Quad-Citians, will disband because the major part of a crisis created by plant closings is over. Food for the needy is still necessary. So groups separately will continue to raise money and collect food.




(More History)