Chuckles for January 2001
"Anger is one letter away from danger." --Eleanor Roosevelt
Bad Predictions: "I think there is a world market for maybe five computers." -- Thomas Watson, chairman of IBM, 1943.
"Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon having a good time." -- A sign in a laundry in Rome.
Things My Kids Have Taught Me: If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can, and will ignite.
Rules for combat: Try to look unimportant, they may be low on ammo.
More "Laws" About Men: Whenever you meet a man who would make a good husband, you will usually find that he is.
If a swamp frog goes ribb-it...ribb-it...ribb-it; and a Busch frog goes bud....wis....er; What does a Windows 95 frog sound like? Re-boot... re- boot... re-boot
Know why a room full of married people looks so empty? There's not a single person in it...
When we talk to God it's called prayer. When God talks back it's called schizophrenia.
A crisis is when you can't say, "Let's just forget the whole thing!" (oneliners-and-proverbs.com)
A man who spoke little English struggled to explain that his wife could not have children, saying 'She is unbearable.' Getting a blank stare, he tried, 'She is impregnable.' Then finally he figured he had it: 'She is inconceivable!'
Love is an ideal thing, marriage a real thing; a confusion of the real with the ideal never goes unpunished. -- Goethe
Mahatma Ghandi walked barefoot everywhere, to the point that his feet became quite thick and hard. He also was quite a spiritual person. Even when he was not on a hunger strike, he did not eat much and became quite thin and frail. Furthermore, due to his diet, he had bad breath... He came to be known as a: super calloused fragile mystic plagued with halitosis. (www.jokesplus.com)
A waiter brings the customer the steak he ordered with his thumb over the meat. "Are you crazy?" yelled the customer, "with your hand on my steak?" "What" answers the waiter, "You want it to fall on the floor again?" (www.jokester.com)
Why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor when you can't drink and drive?
A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices. --William James
Don't be afraid to try something new. An amateur built the ark. Professionals built the Titanic. (www.jokester.com)
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