Chuckles for December 2000



December 05
*"I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph." -- Shirley Temple

December 07
Where all think alike, no one thinks very much. -- Walter Lippmann

December 08
True announcement By flight crews: "As you exit the plane, please make sure to gather all of your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses."

December 09
Another true announcement by flight crews: "Your seat cushions can be used for flotation and in the event of an emergency water landing, please take them with our compliments."

December 11
If Santa Claus and Mrs. Claus had a child, what would he be called? A subordinate Claus!

December 13
Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?

December 14
In my day, we didn't have hand-held calculators. We had to do addition on our fingers. To subtract, we had to have some fingers amputated.

December 15
An authority: someone who knows lots of things you could care less about.

December 18
Q. What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus? A. Claustrophobic.

December 19
Why was Santa's little helper depressed? Because he had low elf esteem. (www.santas.net)

December 22
Mom, Can I have a dog for Christmas ? No you can have turkey like everyone else !

December 27
''The best way to guarantee exciting dreams at night is to let your brain rest all day.'' -- Red Green

December 30
Budget: A method for going broke methodically.

December 30
Budget: A method for going broke methodically.

December 31
I went to the pet store the other day and asked if they had any cats going cheap and they said, "No, all our cats go meow."

Back: Past Chuckles





Local events heading








  Today is Thursday, Oct. 2, the 275th day of 2014. There are 90 days left in the year.

1864 -- 150 years ago: The ladies have adopted the fashion of wearing representations of insects in the flowers on their bonnets. Some look very natural.
1889 -- 125 years ago: T.F. Cary, former Rock Island alderman, has accepted a position as salesman for a Chicago wallpaper house and plans to move to that city.
1914 -- 100 years ago: Work on the new telephone building on 18th Street between 6th and 7th avenues is progressing rapidly.
1939 -- 75 years ago: Rock Island's new theater at 3rd Avenue and 19th Street will have a name significant of its location. The "Rocket" is scheduled to open Thanksgiving Day.
1964 -- 50 years ago: Two of Rock Island's newest water towers were vandalized last night, including the one at 38th Street and 31st Avenue, where police took five Moline boys into custody about 9 p.m..
1989 -- 25 years ago: Some of us who live in the Quad-Cities take the Mississippi River for granted, or at least we used to. But the river is not taken for granted by our visitors. And most Quad-Citians are realizing the importance of the river to this area as increased emphasis is placed on tourism.







(More History)