Chuckles for October 2000

October 02
How many Psychiatrists does it take to screw in a light bulb? One, but it takes 5 trips

October 03
The problem with political jokes is that they get elected.

October 08
Talk is cheap. Supply exceeds demand.

October 10
You've really bought a cheap PC if... 1. All the dogs in your neighborhood start howling whenver you turn it on; the screen often displays the message, "Ain't it break time yet?"; and the only chip inside is a Dorito.

October 11
The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.

October 11
The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong. (

October 13
Seen in a newspaper: Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children.

October 18
Newspaper ad: 3-year old teacher needed for pre-school. Experience preferred.

October 19
Newspaper ad: Our bikinis are exciting. They are simply the tops.

October 23
Newspaper ad: Mixing bowl set designed to please a cook with round bottom for efficient beating.

October 24
Whats the difference between a golfer and a skydiver? A golfer goes, whack!...'damn!' And a skydiver goes 'damn!'... whack!

October 25
Newspaper ad: Girl wanted to assist magician in cutting off head illusion. Benefits: Blue Cross Medical Insurance and salary.

October 26
Military saying: ``The easy way is always mined.''

October 30
My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint. -- Erma Bombeck

October 31
Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there. -- Will Rogers

Back: Past Chuckles

Local events heading

  Today is Wednesday, Oct. 1, the 274th day of 2014. There are 91 days left in the year.

1864 -- 150 years ago: It is rumored in the streets that the 13 negroes sent to Quincy on the Moline quota were refused. We think this must be a mistake.
1889 -- 125 years ago: Harvey McKenna, of Detroit, billiard player matched to play Wizard Schafer in New York in January for the world championship, was a professional friend and manager, Billy Catton in Rock Island.
1914 -- 100 years ago: Levi Cralle, former Rock Island county sheriff, had come from his farm near Mitchell, S.D. to visit friends in the city.
1939 -- 75 years ago: Work is being rushed on the new high school building in Orion to replace the one destroyed by fire last winter. Classes are being held in churches.
1964 -- 50 years ago: Rehearsals for the 84th season of the Handel Oratorio Society chorus will begin at 7:30 p.m. Monday on the stage of Centennial Hall, Augustana College.
1989 -- 25 years ago: The Rock Island City Council's plan announced this week to have the federal government vacate Valley Homes public housing and move residents to Arsenal Courts to reduce density may not be feasible.

(More History)