Chuckles for October 2000

October 02
How many Psychiatrists does it take to screw in a light bulb? One, but it takes 5 trips

October 03
The problem with political jokes is that they get elected.

October 08
Talk is cheap. Supply exceeds demand.

October 10
You've really bought a cheap PC if... 1. All the dogs in your neighborhood start howling whenver you turn it on; the screen often displays the message, "Ain't it break time yet?"; and the only chip inside is a Dorito.

October 11
The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.

October 11
The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong. (

October 13
Seen in a newspaper: Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children.

October 18
Newspaper ad: 3-year old teacher needed for pre-school. Experience preferred.

October 19
Newspaper ad: Our bikinis are exciting. They are simply the tops.

October 23
Newspaper ad: Mixing bowl set designed to please a cook with round bottom for efficient beating.

October 24
Whats the difference between a golfer and a skydiver? A golfer goes, whack!...'damn!' And a skydiver goes 'damn!'... whack!

October 25
Newspaper ad: Girl wanted to assist magician in cutting off head illusion. Benefits: Blue Cross Medical Insurance and salary.

October 26
Military saying: ``The easy way is always mined.''

October 30
My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint. -- Erma Bombeck

October 31
Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there. -- Will Rogers

Back: Past Chuckles

Local events heading

  Today is Thursday, July 31, the 212th day of 2014. There are 153 days left in the year.

1864 -- 150 years ago: A corps of surgeons now occupies the new hospital quarters at the Garrison Hospital on the Rock Island Arsenal. A fence has been installed to enclose the prison hospital.
1889 -- 125 years ago: B. Winter has let a contract to Christ Schreiner for a two story brick building with a double store front on the south side of 3rd Avenue just west of 17th Street. The estimated cost was $4,500.
1914 -- 100 years ago: Germany sent simultaneous ultimatums to Russia and France, demanding that Russia suspend mobilization within 12 hours and demanding that France inform Germany within 18 hours. In the case of war between Germany and Russia, France would remain neutral.
1939 -- 75 years ago: Civil service offices at the post office and the Rock Island Arsenal were swamped as more than 700 youths sought 15 machinist apprenticeships at the Arsenal.
1964 -- 50 years ago: Last night, American Legion Post 246 in Moline figuratively handed over the trousers to a female ex-Marine and petticoat rule began. Olga Swanson, of Moline, was installed as the first woman commander of the post .
1989 -- 25 years ago: The Illinois Quad City Civic Center captured the excitement and interest of a convention of auditorium managers this weekend in Reno, Nev. Bill Adams, civic center authority chairman, said the 10,000-seat arena planned for downtown Moline has caught the eye of construction firms, suppliers, management teams and concession groups.

(More History)