Chuckles for September 2000



September 01
Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.

September 05
A conclusion is simply the place where you got tired of thinking.

September 06
Did you ever stop to think . . . and forget to start again?

September 07
If at first you DO succeed, try not to look astonished!

September 10
There can't be a crisis today, my schedule is already full.

September 12
If it takes a lot of words to say what you have in mind, give it more thought. -- Dennis Roch

September 13
What is the capital of Washington? W is the capital.

September 14
"I'm a great housekeeper. I get divorced. I keep the house." --Zsa Zsa Gabor

September 15
Who is this General Failure and why is he reading my hard drive?

September 18
You know you've had too much coffee when you can type 60 words a minute -- with your feet.

September 19
What does a pig use to store data on a computer? A sloppy disk.

September 20
The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

September 21
When you breath, you 'inspire'. When you don't breath, you expire.

September 22
I used to be conceited, but now I'm perfect

September 23
If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be ``meetings.''

September 25
A secretary indented her car after leaving too narrow a margin. (punsoftheday.com)

September 26
Cards you'll never see at Hallmark: "Looking back over the years that we've been together, I can't help but wonder -- what was I thinking?!"

September 27
You know you've had too much coffee when you want to be cremated so you can spend eternity in a coffee can.

September 29
Decaflon: The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.

Back: Past Chuckles





Local events heading








  Today is Thursday, Aug. 21, the 233rd day of 2014. There are 132 days left in the year.

1864 -- 150 years ago: Sheriff McLaughlin had the misfortune to dislocate his right shoulder some days ago when his carriage upset. He is now able to walk about but has a very sore shoulder.
1889 -- 125 years ago: A kindergarten was started in the downtown district of Rock Island with the Misses Dodie Hawes and Grace Knowlton as teachers.
1914 -- 100 years ago: Pope Pius X died in Rome.
1939 -- 75 years ago: Rock Island's new theater was named Esquire.
1964 -- 50 years ago: The J.I. Case Co. plant in Bettendorf will add from 150 to 200 employees by Jan. 1 a spokesman for the company said today. The Bettendorf Works today had a payroll of 1,350, but an increased production schedule will require additional people.
1989 -- 25 years ago: The Illowa Council Boy Scouts of America reached and passed its campaign goal in a drive that began 14 months ago by raising more than $2.2 million for the expansion of Loud Thunder Reservation near Andalusia.






(More History)