Chuckles for September 2000



September 01
Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.

September 05
A conclusion is simply the place where you got tired of thinking.

September 06
Did you ever stop to think . . . and forget to start again?

September 07
If at first you DO succeed, try not to look astonished!

September 10
There can't be a crisis today, my schedule is already full.

September 12
If it takes a lot of words to say what you have in mind, give it more thought. -- Dennis Roch

September 13
What is the capital of Washington? W is the capital.

September 14
"I'm a great housekeeper. I get divorced. I keep the house." --Zsa Zsa Gabor

September 15
Who is this General Failure and why is he reading my hard drive?

September 18
You know you've had too much coffee when you can type 60 words a minute -- with your feet.

September 19
What does a pig use to store data on a computer? A sloppy disk.

September 20
The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

September 21
When you breath, you 'inspire'. When you don't breath, you expire.

September 22
I used to be conceited, but now I'm perfect

September 23
If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be ``meetings.''

September 25
A secretary indented her car after leaving too narrow a margin. (punsoftheday.com)

September 26
Cards you'll never see at Hallmark: "Looking back over the years that we've been together, I can't help but wonder -- what was I thinking?!"

September 27
You know you've had too much coffee when you want to be cremated so you can spend eternity in a coffee can.

September 29
Decaflon: The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.

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Local events heading








  Today is Tuesday, July 29, the 210th day of 2014. There are 155 days left in the year.

1864 -- 150 years ago: Col. H.F. Sickless informs us that there will be new organization of troops in this state under the call for more men.
1889 -- 125 years ago: James Normoyle arrived home after graduating from West Point with honors in the class of 1889. He was to report to Fort Brady, Mich., as second lieutenant in the 23rd Infantry.
1914 -- 100 years ago: Austria Hungary declared war on Serbia. Germany and Austria refused an invitation of Sir Edward Grey to join Great Britain at a mediation conference.
1939 -- 75 years ago: Dr. William Mayo, the last of the three famous Mayo brother surgeons, died at the age of 78.
1964 -- 50 years ago: One of the biggest horse shows of the season was held yesterday at Hillandale Arena on Knoxville Road under the sponsorship of the Illowa Horsemen's Club.
1989 -- 25 years ago: Davenport is like a gigantic carnival this weekend with the Bix Arts Fest taking over 12 square blocks of the downtown area. A festive atmosphere prevailed Friday as thousands of people turned out to sample what the Arts Fest has to offer.








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