Chuckles for September 2000



September 01
Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.

September 05
A conclusion is simply the place where you got tired of thinking.

September 06
Did you ever stop to think . . . and forget to start again?

September 07
If at first you DO succeed, try not to look astonished!

September 10
There can't be a crisis today, my schedule is already full.

September 12
If it takes a lot of words to say what you have in mind, give it more thought. -- Dennis Roch

September 13
What is the capital of Washington? W is the capital.

September 14
"I'm a great housekeeper. I get divorced. I keep the house." --Zsa Zsa Gabor

September 15
Who is this General Failure and why is he reading my hard drive?

September 18
You know you've had too much coffee when you can type 60 words a minute -- with your feet.

September 19
What does a pig use to store data on a computer? A sloppy disk.

September 20
The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

September 21
When you breath, you 'inspire'. When you don't breath, you expire.

September 22
I used to be conceited, but now I'm perfect

September 23
If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be ``meetings.''

September 25
A secretary indented her car after leaving too narrow a margin. (punsoftheday.com)

September 26
Cards you'll never see at Hallmark: "Looking back over the years that we've been together, I can't help but wonder -- what was I thinking?!"

September 27
You know you've had too much coffee when you want to be cremated so you can spend eternity in a coffee can.

September 29
Decaflon: The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.

Back: Past Chuckles





Local events heading








  Today is Monday, Oct. 20, the 293rd day of 2014. There are 72 days left in the year.

1864 -- 150 years ago: The store of Devoe and Crampton was entered and robbed of about $500 worth of gold pens and pocket cutlery last night.
1889 -- 125 years ago: Michael Malloy was named president of the Tri-City Stone Cutters Union.
1914 -- 100 years ago: Dewitte C. Poole, former Moline newspaperman serving as vice consul general for the United States government in Paris, declared in a letter to friends that the once gay Paris is a city of sadness and desolation.
1939 -- 75 years ago: Plans for the construction of an $80,000 wholesale bakery at 2011 4th Ave. were announced by Harry and Nick Coin, of Rock Island. It is to be known as the Banquet Bakery.
1964 -- 50 years ago: An application has been filed for a state permit to organize a savings and loan association in Moline, it was announced. The applicants are Ben Butterworth, A.B. Lundahl, C. Richard Evans, John Harris, George Crampton and William Getz, all of Moline, Charles Roberts, Rock Island, and Charles Johnson, of Hampton.
1989 -- 25 years ago: Indian summer is quickly disappearing as temperatures slide into the 40s and 50s this week. Last week, highs were in the 80s.


(More History)