Chuckles for September 2000



September 01
Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.

September 05
A conclusion is simply the place where you got tired of thinking.

September 06
Did you ever stop to think . . . and forget to start again?

September 07
If at first you DO succeed, try not to look astonished!

September 10
There can't be a crisis today, my schedule is already full.

September 12
If it takes a lot of words to say what you have in mind, give it more thought. -- Dennis Roch

September 13
What is the capital of Washington? W is the capital.

September 14
"I'm a great housekeeper. I get divorced. I keep the house." --Zsa Zsa Gabor

September 15
Who is this General Failure and why is he reading my hard drive?

September 18
You know you've had too much coffee when you can type 60 words a minute -- with your feet.

September 19
What does a pig use to store data on a computer? A sloppy disk.

September 20
The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

September 21
When you breath, you 'inspire'. When you don't breath, you expire.

September 22
I used to be conceited, but now I'm perfect

September 23
If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be ``meetings.''

September 25
A secretary indented her car after leaving too narrow a margin. (punsoftheday.com)

September 26
Cards you'll never see at Hallmark: "Looking back over the years that we've been together, I can't help but wonder -- what was I thinking?!"

September 27
You know you've had too much coffee when you want to be cremated so you can spend eternity in a coffee can.

September 29
Decaflon: The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.

Back: Past Chuckles





Local events heading








  Today is Wednesday, Oct. 1, the 274th day of 2014. There are 91 days left in the year.

1864 -- 150 years ago: It is rumored in the streets that the 13 negroes sent to Quincy on the Moline quota were refused. We think this must be a mistake.
1889 -- 125 years ago: Harvey McKenna, of Detroit, billiard player matched to play Wizard Schafer in New York in January for the world championship, was a professional friend and manager, Billy Catton in Rock Island.
1914 -- 100 years ago: Levi Cralle, former Rock Island county sheriff, had come from his farm near Mitchell, S.D. to visit friends in the city.
1939 -- 75 years ago: Work is being rushed on the new high school building in Orion to replace the one destroyed by fire last winter. Classes are being held in churches.
1964 -- 50 years ago: Rehearsals for the 84th season of the Handel Oratorio Society chorus will begin at 7:30 p.m. Monday on the stage of Centennial Hall, Augustana College.
1989 -- 25 years ago: The Rock Island City Council's plan announced this week to have the federal government vacate Valley Homes public housing and move residents to Arsenal Courts to reduce density may not be feasible.






(More History)