Chuckles for September 2000



September 01
Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.

September 05
A conclusion is simply the place where you got tired of thinking.

September 06
Did you ever stop to think . . . and forget to start again?

September 07
If at first you DO succeed, try not to look astonished!

September 10
There can't be a crisis today, my schedule is already full.

September 12
If it takes a lot of words to say what you have in mind, give it more thought. -- Dennis Roch

September 13
What is the capital of Washington? W is the capital.

September 14
"I'm a great housekeeper. I get divorced. I keep the house." --Zsa Zsa Gabor

September 15
Who is this General Failure and why is he reading my hard drive?

September 18
You know you've had too much coffee when you can type 60 words a minute -- with your feet.

September 19
What does a pig use to store data on a computer? A sloppy disk.

September 20
The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

September 21
When you breath, you 'inspire'. When you don't breath, you expire.

September 22
I used to be conceited, but now I'm perfect

September 23
If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be ``meetings.''

September 25
A secretary indented her car after leaving too narrow a margin. (punsoftheday.com)

September 26
Cards you'll never see at Hallmark: "Looking back over the years that we've been together, I can't help but wonder -- what was I thinking?!"

September 27
You know you've had too much coffee when you want to be cremated so you can spend eternity in a coffee can.

September 29
Decaflon: The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.

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Local events heading








  Today is Friday, Sept. 19, the 262nd day of 2014. There are 103 days left in the year.
1864 -- 150 years ago: Charles M. Osborn of this city, a lawyer of prominence, who voted for Lincoln in 1860 is now out strong for McClellan and will take the stump for him.
1889 -- 125 years ago: The George Fleming company had begun its dried fruit packing in a branch plant on 16th Street, Rock Island, employing nearly a hundred workers.
1914 -- 100 years ago: The cornerstone of the new Eagles home was laid. Building committee members were John Kobeman, Fred Ehmke and Frank Wich.
1939 -- 75 years ago: Former Kaiser Wilhelm, in exile, is sad as the Nazis march with communists.
1964 -- 50 years ago: Ninety-two members of the acappella choir at Davenport's West High School today accepted an invitation to perform at the New York World's Fair on June 13, 1965.
1989 -- 25 years ago: A Rock Island woman is one of 50 winners of $10,000 in cash in the Illinois State Lottery's "Celebration "89" instant ticket game. Dawn Loeffler was the third winner to be chosen through daily drawings that began Aug. 28 and will run 50 consecutive days.






(More History)