Chuckles for August 2000



August 02
No one would remember the Good Samaritan if he had only good intentions. He had money as well. -- Margaret Thatcher, courtesy oneliners-and-proverbs.com

August 07
Ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window?

August 08
Eagles may soar, but groundhogs don't get sucked into jet engines. (Courtesy siglets.com)

August 09
Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.(Courtesy siglets.com)

August 10
A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.

August 14
``I must follow the people. Am I not their leader?'' -- Benjamin Disraeli

August 15
Why didn't the dog speak to his foot?
It's not polite to talk back to your paw.

August 15
Why didn't the dog speak to his foot? It's not polite to talk back to your paw.

August 16
What's O. J. Simpson's Internet address? Slash, slash, backslash, slash, slash, escape.

August 17
What's the difference between a lawyer and God? God doesn't think he's a lawyer.

August 18
The main accomplishment of almost all organized protests is to annoy people who are not in them.

August 21
And on the eighth day God said, "O.K. Murphy. You take over."

August 22
Conversation-ender: "I can't remember if I'm the good twin or the evil one."

August 23
As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in schools. (Oneliners-and-proverbs.com)

August 24
Conversation ender: ``Let me show you how the guards used to do it.''

August 25
There are three kinds of people: those who can count and those who can't.

August 28
It's not hard to meet expenses -- they're everywhere.

August 29
Don't use a big word where a diminutive one will suffice.

August 30
Cards you'll never see at Hallmark: ``We have been friends for a very long time . . . What do you say we call it quits?''

August 31
Diplomacy is the art of letting someone have your way.

Back: Past Chuckles





Local events heading








  Today is Friday, April 18, the 108th day of 2014. There are 257 days left in the year.
1864 -- 150 years ago: A new steamer, Keithsburg, now is at our levee taking on board the balance of her fixtures preparatory to assuming her position on the daily Rock Island and Keokuk line.
1889 -- 125 years ago: C.W. Hawes was appointed deputy county clerk by county clerk Donaldson.
1914 -- 100 years ago: Mrs. O.E. child, of Moline, was named president of the Women's Home Missionary Society of the Methodist Church Rock Island District of the Central Illinois conference.
1939 -- 75 years ago: Augustana College is making plans for a drive for funds to erect a field house and make football field improvements.
1964 -- 50 years ago: A expanded election coverage system featuring a 16-foot chalkboard showing up to the minute running totals, attracted a large and enthusiastic crowd to The Argus newsroom last night.
1989 -- 25 years ago: Balloons frame Rock Island attorney Stewart Winstein who was given a surprise party in the rotunda of the Rock Island County Courthouse on Thursday to honor his 50th year of practicing law.




(More History)