Chuckles for August 2000



August 02
No one would remember the Good Samaritan if he had only good intentions. He had money as well. -- Margaret Thatcher, courtesy oneliners-and-proverbs.com

August 07
Ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window?

August 08
Eagles may soar, but groundhogs don't get sucked into jet engines. (Courtesy siglets.com)

August 09
Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.(Courtesy siglets.com)

August 10
A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.

August 14
``I must follow the people. Am I not their leader?'' -- Benjamin Disraeli

August 15
Why didn't the dog speak to his foot?
It's not polite to talk back to your paw.

August 15
Why didn't the dog speak to his foot? It's not polite to talk back to your paw.

August 16
What's O. J. Simpson's Internet address? Slash, slash, backslash, slash, slash, escape.

August 17
What's the difference between a lawyer and God? God doesn't think he's a lawyer.

August 18
The main accomplishment of almost all organized protests is to annoy people who are not in them.

August 21
And on the eighth day God said, "O.K. Murphy. You take over."

August 22
Conversation-ender: "I can't remember if I'm the good twin or the evil one."

August 23
As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in schools. (Oneliners-and-proverbs.com)

August 24
Conversation ender: ``Let me show you how the guards used to do it.''

August 25
There are three kinds of people: those who can count and those who can't.

August 28
It's not hard to meet expenses -- they're everywhere.

August 29
Don't use a big word where a diminutive one will suffice.

August 30
Cards you'll never see at Hallmark: ``We have been friends for a very long time . . . What do you say we call it quits?''

August 31
Diplomacy is the art of letting someone have your way.

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Local events heading








  Today is Wednesday, July 30, the 211th day of 2014. There are 154 days left in the year.
1864 -- 150 years ago: After Sept. 1, every small box of matches will be required to have a 3 cent duty Lincoln stamp on it, and every large box will be one cent for every 100 matches.
1889 -- 125 years ago: Rock Island residents had contributed a total of $1,293 to the American Red Cross for the Johnstown flood relief fund.
1914 -- 100 years ago: Capt. Clark Means, new darkhorse twirler for the ARGUS staff, was in great form in his initial contest as a mound laborer. The result was that THE ARGUS trimmed the Union 6-5.
1939 -- 75 years ago: Hunter and Humprey Moody, young Decatur, Ill, brothers, lack only a few hours of establishing a new world light plane endurance record.
1964 -- 50 years ago: Gates of the 110th annual Mercer County Fair swing open tonight at Aledo for a full week of day and night activity. More that $36,000 will be paid in premiums and race purses.
1989 -- 25 years ago: The baseball field carved out of the cornfield near Dyersville, Iowa, continues to keep dreams alive for hundreds of visitors. Tourists from 26 state and France have visited Dan Lansing's farm to see the baseball diamond seen in the hit movie "Field of Dreams."






(More History)