Chuckles for August 2000



August 02
No one would remember the Good Samaritan if he had only good intentions. He had money as well. -- Margaret Thatcher, courtesy oneliners-and-proverbs.com

August 07
Ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window?

August 08
Eagles may soar, but groundhogs don't get sucked into jet engines. (Courtesy siglets.com)

August 09
Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.(Courtesy siglets.com)

August 10
A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.

August 14
``I must follow the people. Am I not their leader?'' -- Benjamin Disraeli

August 15
Why didn't the dog speak to his foot?
It's not polite to talk back to your paw.

August 15
Why didn't the dog speak to his foot? It's not polite to talk back to your paw.

August 16
What's O. J. Simpson's Internet address? Slash, slash, backslash, slash, slash, escape.

August 17
What's the difference between a lawyer and God? God doesn't think he's a lawyer.

August 18
The main accomplishment of almost all organized protests is to annoy people who are not in them.

August 21
And on the eighth day God said, "O.K. Murphy. You take over."

August 22
Conversation-ender: "I can't remember if I'm the good twin or the evil one."

August 23
As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in schools. (Oneliners-and-proverbs.com)

August 24
Conversation ender: ``Let me show you how the guards used to do it.''

August 25
There are three kinds of people: those who can count and those who can't.

August 28
It's not hard to meet expenses -- they're everywhere.

August 29
Don't use a big word where a diminutive one will suffice.

August 30
Cards you'll never see at Hallmark: ``We have been friends for a very long time . . . What do you say we call it quits?''

August 31
Diplomacy is the art of letting someone have your way.

Back: Past Chuckles






Local events heading








  Today is Monday, Sept. 1, the 244th day of 2014. There are 121 days left in the year.

1864 -- 150 years ago: We are informed by J.H. Hull that the reason the street sprinkler was not at work yesterday settling the dust on the streets, was because one of his horses was injured.
1889 -- 125 years ago: Bonnie McGregor, a fleet-footed stallion owned by S.W. Wheelock of this community, covered himself with glory at Lexington, Ky, when he ran a mile in 2:13 1/2. The horse's value was estimated as at least $50,000.
1914 -- 100 years ago: Troops are pouring into Paris to prepare for defense of the city. The German army is reported to be only 60 miles from the capital of France.
1939 -- 75 years ago: The German army has invaded Poland in undeclared warfare. Poland has appealed to Great Britain and France for aid.
1964 -- 50 years ago: Publication of a plant newspaper, the Farmall Works News, has been launched at the Rock Island IHC factory and replaces a managerial newsletter.
1989 -- 25 years ago: Officials predict Monday's Rock Island Labor Parade will be the biggest and best ever. Last minute work continues on floats and costumes for the parade, which steps off a 9:30 a.m.




(More History)