Chuckles for July 2000



July 01
Employers' lingo: ``Some overtime required.'' Meaning: ``Some time each night and some time each weekend.''

July 02
Families are like fudge .. mostly sweet with a few nuts.

July 03
Do pilots take crash courses?

July 05
Conversation enders: ``Make yourself at home. Clean my kitchen.''

July 06
Most outrageous lawsuits of the 90s: A bank robber sued a bank, the police and a California city after he got away from the bank with marked money containing a tear-gas device that caused burned him when he stuffed it into his pants.

July 10
Sure-fire conversation ender: "Everyone thinks I'm psychotic except my friends deep inside the Earth."

July 11
If athletes get athlete's foot, do astronauts get mistletoe?

July 13
How is being at a singles bar different from going to the circus? At the circus the clowns don't talk.

July 14
The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we all beleive that we are above-average drivers.

July 14
The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we all believe that we are above-average drivers.

July 15
The most powerful force in the universe is gossip.

July 16
Can you buy an entire chess set in a pawn shop?

July 17
Did Noah keep his bees in archives?

July 19
Q.What do you get if you cross an elephant with a kangaroo? A.Great big holes all over Africa.

July 20
After all is said and done, more is said than done.

July 21
``Can I trade this job for what's behind Door No. 2?''

July 22
If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

July 23
Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called "rush hour"?

July 24
Do not confuse your career with your life.

July 25
Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways?

July 26
The only reason I would take up jogging is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.

July 31
What do you call a boomerang that doesn't work? A stick.

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  Today is Saturday, April 19, the 109th day of 2014. There are 256 days left in the year.

1864 -- 150 years ago: Miss McCorkindale has opened millinery rooms over Gimbel's dry goods store, where she offers a choice lot of millinery goods, which she will manufacture to order.
1889 -- 125 years ago: The little South Park Presbyterian chapel celebrated it first Easter decorated with flowers for an afternoon worship service attended by a large congregation.
1914 -- 100 years ago: The Wennerberg Chorus of Augustana College has returned from a 2,000-mile tour in the Eastern states and Illinois.
1939 -- 75 years ago: Col. Charles Lindbergh has stated that he is convinced that Germany's air force is equal to the combined sky fleets of her potential European foes.
1964 -- 50 years ago: Small gas motors may be permitted on boats in the lake to be built in Loud Thunder Forest Preserve. The prospect was discussed yesterday at a meeting of the Rock Island County Forest Preserve Commission.
1989 -- 25 years ago: The annual Dispatch/Rock Island Argus Spelling Bee continues to be a family tradition. Ed Lee, an eighth-grader at John Deere Junior High School, Moline, is the 1989 spelling bee champion from among 49 top spellers in Rock Island, Henry and Mercer counties. He advances to the competition in Washington, D.C. Runnerup was Ed's sister, Susan.






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