Chuckles for July 2000



July 01
Employers' lingo: ``Some overtime required.'' Meaning: ``Some time each night and some time each weekend.''

July 02
Families are like fudge .. mostly sweet with a few nuts.

July 03
Do pilots take crash courses?

July 05
Conversation enders: ``Make yourself at home. Clean my kitchen.''

July 06
Most outrageous lawsuits of the 90s: A bank robber sued a bank, the police and a California city after he got away from the bank with marked money containing a tear-gas device that caused burned him when he stuffed it into his pants.

July 10
Sure-fire conversation ender: "Everyone thinks I'm psychotic except my friends deep inside the Earth."

July 11
If athletes get athlete's foot, do astronauts get mistletoe?

July 13
How is being at a singles bar different from going to the circus? At the circus the clowns don't talk.

July 14
The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we all beleive that we are above-average drivers.

July 14
The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we all believe that we are above-average drivers.

July 15
The most powerful force in the universe is gossip.

July 16
Can you buy an entire chess set in a pawn shop?

July 17
Did Noah keep his bees in archives?

July 19
Q.What do you get if you cross an elephant with a kangaroo? A.Great big holes all over Africa.

July 20
After all is said and done, more is said than done.

July 21
``Can I trade this job for what's behind Door No. 2?''

July 22
If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

July 23
Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called "rush hour"?

July 24
Do not confuse your career with your life.

July 25
Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways?

July 26
The only reason I would take up jogging is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.

July 31
What do you call a boomerang that doesn't work? A stick.

Back: Past Chuckles





Local events heading








  Today is Saturday, Aug. 23, the 235th day of 2014. There are 130 days left in the year.

1864 -- 150 years ago: Telegraph reports state that, about 6 o'clock on the evening of the 20th, Quantrill, with about 800 of his thieves and robbers, surrounded Lawrence, Kan., and burned it to the ground.
1889 -- 125 years ago: Newton Beer's production of "Lost in London," which had a successful run for three seasons, was presented at Harper's Theater.
1914 -- 100 years ago: The German army commanded by Fran Duke Albrecht of Wurtemburg defeated the French army at Neufchmtenu.
1939 -- 75 years ago: John Deere Harvester Works in East Moline is starting a four-story, $104,000 addition to the combine assembly building.
1964 -- 50 years ago: Short Hills Country Club held onto its lead yesterday despite a rally by host Davenport Country Club and claimed the team title in the Sunshine Cup golf series.
1989 -- 25 years ago: Quad-Citians can look forward to more excitement and fun at this year's Rock Island Labor Day parade at 9:30 a.m. Sept 4, say organizers. This years theme is "Celebrate Rock Island."






(More History)