Chuckles for June 2000

June 01
He who makes the same mistake over and over again learns to do at least one thing well.

June 02
A truth it takes years to learn: People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.

June 03
Heard on the beat: ``That says POLICE, not taxi.''

June 05
Where there are no tigers, a wildcat is very self-important. -- Korean proverb

June 06
Plan ahead -- it wasn't raining when Noah built the Ark.

June 07
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

June 08
If white wine goes with fish, do white grapes go with sushi?

June 09
Why is it that when you transport something by car, it's called a shipment, but when you transport something by ship, it's called cargo?

June 12
No matter what happens, someone will find a way to take it too seriously.

June 13
Why is it called lipstick if you can still move your lips?

June 14
If it was going to be easy to raise kids, it never would have started with something called labor.

June 15
"Pain is inevitable but misery is optional, so stick a geranium in your hat and be happy." -- Barbara Johnson

June 16
"Some scientists claim that hydrogen, because it is so plentiful, is the basic building block of the universe. I dispute that. I say there is more stupidity than hydrogen, and that is the basic building block of the universe." - Anon

June 18
Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now.

June 19
Conversation enders: Is it time for your medication, or mine?

June 20
Do people in Australia call lthe rest of he world "Up Over?"

June 21
Some drink from the fountain of knowledge. He only gargled.

June 22
If you see two people talking, and one looks bored -- he's the other one.

June 23
A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person.

June 24
``If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?'' -- George Carlin

June 25
If at first you DO succeed, try not to look so astonished

June 26
If space is a vacuum, who changes the bags?

June 27
In a hurricane, even pigs can fly.

June 27
Court transcript: ``All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go to?'' ``Oral.''

June 29
Job review: Takes him two hours to watch ``60 Minutes.''

June 30
When trouble arises and things look bad, there is always one individual who perceives a solution and is willing to take command. Very often, that individual is crazy.

Back: Past Chuckles

Local events heading

  Today is Thursday, July 31, the 212th day of 2014. There are 153 days left in the year.

1864 -- 150 years ago: A corps of surgeons now occupies the new hospital quarters at the Garrison Hospital on the Rock Island Arsenal. A fence has been installed to enclose the prison hospital.
1889 -- 125 years ago: B. Winter has let a contract to Christ Schreiner for a two story brick building with a double store front on the south side of 3rd Avenue just west of 17th Street. The estimated cost was $4,500.
1914 -- 100 years ago: Germany sent simultaneous ultimatums to Russia and France, demanding that Russia suspend mobilization within 12 hours and demanding that France inform Germany within 18 hours. In the case of war between Germany and Russia, France would remain neutral.
1939 -- 75 years ago: Civil service offices at the post office and the Rock Island Arsenal were swamped as more than 700 youths sought 15 machinist apprenticeships at the Arsenal.
1964 -- 50 years ago: Last night, American Legion Post 246 in Moline figuratively handed over the trousers to a female ex-Marine and petticoat rule began. Olga Swanson, of Moline, was installed as the first woman commander of the post .
1989 -- 25 years ago: The Illinois Quad City Civic Center captured the excitement and interest of a convention of auditorium managers this weekend in Reno, Nev. Bill Adams, civic center authority chairman, said the 10,000-seat arena planned for downtown Moline has caught the eye of construction firms, suppliers, management teams and concession groups.

(More History)