Chuckles for June 2000
He who makes the same mistake over and over again learns to do at least one thing well.
A truth it takes years to learn: People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.
Heard on the beat: ``That says POLICE, not taxi.''
Where there are no tigers, a wildcat is very self-important. -- Korean proverb
Plan ahead -- it wasn't raining when Noah built the Ark.
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
If white wine goes with fish, do white grapes go with sushi?
Why is it that when you transport something by car, it's called a shipment, but when you transport something by ship, it's called cargo?
No matter what happens, someone will find a way to take it too seriously.
Why is it called lipstick if you can still move your lips?
If it was going to be easy to raise kids, it never would have started with something called labor.
"Pain is inevitable but misery is optional, so stick a geranium in your hat and be happy." -- Barbara Johnson
"Some scientists claim that hydrogen, because it is so plentiful, is the basic building block of the universe. I dispute that. I say there is more stupidity than hydrogen, and that is the basic building block of the universe." - Anon
Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now.
Conversation enders: Is it time for your medication, or mine?
Do people in Australia call lthe rest of he world "Up Over?"
Some drink from the fountain of knowledge. He only gargled.
If you see two people talking, and one looks bored -- he's the other one.
A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person.
``If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?'' -- George Carlin
If at first you DO succeed, try not to look so astonished
If space is a vacuum, who changes the bags?
In a hurricane, even pigs can fly.
Court transcript: ``All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go to?'' ``Oral.''
Job review: Takes him two hours to watch ``60 Minutes.''
When trouble arises and things look bad, there is always one individual who perceives a solution and is willing to take command. Very often, that individual is crazy.
Back: Past Chuckles