Chuckles for June 2000

June 01
He who makes the same mistake over and over again learns to do at least one thing well.

June 02
A truth it takes years to learn: People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.

June 03
Heard on the beat: ``That says POLICE, not taxi.''

June 05
Where there are no tigers, a wildcat is very self-important. -- Korean proverb

June 06
Plan ahead -- it wasn't raining when Noah built the Ark.

June 07
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

June 08
If white wine goes with fish, do white grapes go with sushi?

June 09
Why is it that when you transport something by car, it's called a shipment, but when you transport something by ship, it's called cargo?

June 12
No matter what happens, someone will find a way to take it too seriously.

June 13
Why is it called lipstick if you can still move your lips?

June 14
If it was going to be easy to raise kids, it never would have started with something called labor.

June 15
"Pain is inevitable but misery is optional, so stick a geranium in your hat and be happy." -- Barbara Johnson

June 16
"Some scientists claim that hydrogen, because it is so plentiful, is the basic building block of the universe. I dispute that. I say there is more stupidity than hydrogen, and that is the basic building block of the universe." - Anon

June 18
Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now.

June 19
Conversation enders: Is it time for your medication, or mine?

June 20
Do people in Australia call lthe rest of he world "Up Over?"

June 21
Some drink from the fountain of knowledge. He only gargled.

June 22
If you see two people talking, and one looks bored -- he's the other one.

June 23
A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person.

June 24
``If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?'' -- George Carlin

June 25
If at first you DO succeed, try not to look so astonished

June 26
If space is a vacuum, who changes the bags?

June 27
In a hurricane, even pigs can fly.

June 27
Court transcript: ``All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go to?'' ``Oral.''

June 29
Job review: Takes him two hours to watch ``60 Minutes.''

June 30
When trouble arises and things look bad, there is always one individual who perceives a solution and is willing to take command. Very often, that individual is crazy.

Back: Past Chuckles

Local events heading

  Today is Thursday, April 24, the 114th day of 2014. There are 251 days left in the year.

1864 -- 150 years ago: We learn that it is a contemplation to start a paper mill in Rock Island during the summer by a gentleman from the East.
1889 -- 125 years ago: The gates of Oklahoma were swung open at noon today, and a throng of more than 30,000 settlers started over its soil.
1914 -- 100 years ago: The Iowa Coliseum Co. was incorporated with $40,000 capital and planned a building on 4th Street between Warren and Green streets in Davenport.
1939 -- 75 years ago: Plans are being discussed for resurfacing the streets in the entire downtown district of Rock Island.
1964 -- 50 years ago: Some 45 jobs will be created at J.I. Case Co.'s Rock Island plant in a expansion of operations announced yesterday afternoon at the firm's headquarters in Racine, Wis.
1989 -- 25 years ago: Gardeners and farmers cheered, but not all Quad-Citians found joy Saturday as more than an inch of rain fell on the area. Motorists faced dangerous, rain-slick roads as the water activated grease and grime that had built up during dry weather.

(More History)