Chuckles for May 2000

May 10
The Arkansas state trooper pulls over a pickup truck and asks the driver, "Got any ID?" Replies the driver: "'Bout what?"

May 16
Sign at a farm: "Horse manure, 50 cents per pre-packed bag. 20 cents, do-it-yourself."

May 16
From actual letter to landlord: ``Our kitchen floor is very damp, we have two children and would like a third, so will you please send someone to do something about it.''

May 17
The things that come to those who wait may be the things left by those who got there first.

May 20
Employer's Lingo: ``Requires team leadership skills.'' Meaning: ``You'll have the responsibilties of a manager, without the pay or respect.''

May 21
You must be an Illinoisan if... Your idea of a traffic jam is 10 cars waiting to pass a tractor on the highway.

May 23
You must be an Illinoisan if... your idea of a really great tenderloin is when the meat is twice as big as the bun.

May 24
You must be an Illinoisan if... you think of the four major food groups as beef, pork, and Jell-O salad with marshmallows.

May 25
You must be an Illinoisan if... your dream vacation is a trip to Rockhome Gardens.

May 26
Signs your computer has a virus: Your motherboard keeps making chicken soup.

May 27
Why is it that night falls, but day breaks?

May 28
If you jog backwards, will you gain weight?

May 29
Signs your computer has a virus: Every time you doubleclick, a message box asks: "Is that your final answer?"

May 30
Signs your computer has a virus: Your web browser just tossed its cookies.

May 31
Age doesn't always bring wisdom. Sometimes age comes alone.

Back: Past Chuckles

Local events heading

  Today is Sunday, July 27, the 208th day of 2014. There are 157 days left in the year.

1864 -- 150 years ago: The Rock Island Paper Mill is now operating. It is an establishment which our people ought to encourage by saving all rags for the mill, where you can get cash and the highest prices for them.
1889 -- 125 years ago: E. W. Robinson purchased from J.T. Miller the livery stable on the triangle south of Market Square.
1914 -- 100 years ago: Henry Kramer was elected president of the Tri-City Typothetae Franklin Club, which took the place of the Tri-City Ben Franklin Club.
1939 -- 75 years ago: Mrs. Floyd Furh, Illinois City, was first-place winner in the second annual Gov. Horner Farm floral contest.
1964 -- 50 years ago: Nearly 4,000 people are expected to attend weekend sessions of the Jehovah's Witnesses Assembly being held at the Masonic Temple.
1989 -- 25 years ago: The B-29 Super-Fortress bomber is impressive looking, and it did the job during World War II. Its claim to fame is dropping the atomic bombs in Japan to end the war. Only one B-29 is operational in the world today. It is on display at the Quad City Airport in Moline until Friday.

(More History)