Chuckles for May 2000

May 10
The Arkansas state trooper pulls over a pickup truck and asks the driver, "Got any ID?" Replies the driver: "'Bout what?"

May 16
Sign at a farm: "Horse manure, 50 cents per pre-packed bag. 20 cents, do-it-yourself."

May 16
From actual letter to landlord: ``Our kitchen floor is very damp, we have two children and would like a third, so will you please send someone to do something about it.''

May 17
The things that come to those who wait may be the things left by those who got there first.

May 20
Employer's Lingo: ``Requires team leadership skills.'' Meaning: ``You'll have the responsibilties of a manager, without the pay or respect.''

May 21
You must be an Illinoisan if... Your idea of a traffic jam is 10 cars waiting to pass a tractor on the highway.

May 23
You must be an Illinoisan if... your idea of a really great tenderloin is when the meat is twice as big as the bun.

May 24
You must be an Illinoisan if... you think of the four major food groups as beef, pork, and Jell-O salad with marshmallows.

May 25
You must be an Illinoisan if... your dream vacation is a trip to Rockhome Gardens.

May 26
Signs your computer has a virus: Your motherboard keeps making chicken soup.

May 27
Why is it that night falls, but day breaks?

May 28
If you jog backwards, will you gain weight?

May 29
Signs your computer has a virus: Every time you doubleclick, a message box asks: "Is that your final answer?"

May 30
Signs your computer has a virus: Your web browser just tossed its cookies.

May 31
Age doesn't always bring wisdom. Sometimes age comes alone.

Back: Past Chuckles

Local events heading

  Today is Thursday, April 24, the 114th day of 2014. There are 251 days left in the year.

1864 -- 150 years ago: We learn that it is a contemplation to start a paper mill in Rock Island during the summer by a gentleman from the East.
1889 -- 125 years ago: The gates of Oklahoma were swung open at noon today, and a throng of more than 30,000 settlers started over its soil.
1914 -- 100 years ago: The Iowa Coliseum Co. was incorporated with $40,000 capital and planned a building on 4th Street between Warren and Green streets in Davenport.
1939 -- 75 years ago: Plans are being discussed for resurfacing the streets in the entire downtown district of Rock Island.
1964 -- 50 years ago: Some 45 jobs will be created at J.I. Case Co.'s Rock Island plant in a expansion of operations announced yesterday afternoon at the firm's headquarters in Racine, Wis.
1989 -- 25 years ago: Gardeners and farmers cheered, but not all Quad-Citians found joy Saturday as more than an inch of rain fell on the area. Motorists faced dangerous, rain-slick roads as the water activated grease and grime that had built up during dry weather.

(More History)