Chuckles for May 2000

May 10
The Arkansas state trooper pulls over a pickup truck and asks the driver, "Got any ID?" Replies the driver: "'Bout what?"

May 16
Sign at a farm: "Horse manure, 50 cents per pre-packed bag. 20 cents, do-it-yourself."

May 16
From actual letter to landlord: ``Our kitchen floor is very damp, we have two children and would like a third, so will you please send someone to do something about it.''

May 17
The things that come to those who wait may be the things left by those who got there first.

May 20
Employer's Lingo: ``Requires team leadership skills.'' Meaning: ``You'll have the responsibilties of a manager, without the pay or respect.''

May 21
You must be an Illinoisan if... Your idea of a traffic jam is 10 cars waiting to pass a tractor on the highway.

May 23
You must be an Illinoisan if... your idea of a really great tenderloin is when the meat is twice as big as the bun.

May 24
You must be an Illinoisan if... you think of the four major food groups as beef, pork, and Jell-O salad with marshmallows.

May 25
You must be an Illinoisan if... your dream vacation is a trip to Rockhome Gardens.

May 26
Signs your computer has a virus: Your motherboard keeps making chicken soup.

May 27
Why is it that night falls, but day breaks?

May 28
If you jog backwards, will you gain weight?

May 29
Signs your computer has a virus: Every time you doubleclick, a message box asks: "Is that your final answer?"

May 30
Signs your computer has a virus: Your web browser just tossed its cookies.

May 31
Age doesn't always bring wisdom. Sometimes age comes alone.

Back: Past Chuckles

Local events heading

  Today is Sunday, April 20, the 110th day of 2014. There are 255 days left in the year.

1864 -- 150 years ago: The attention of contractors is called to proposals for building a magazine. The building is to be erected on the south side of the island, above the railroad, nearly opposite Sinnit's ice houses.
1889 -- 125 years ago: Ladies patent leather tip shoes were selling for $3 at the M & K store, and men's spring overcoats were advertised at $7.50.
1914 -- 100 years ago: Fred Feuchter, of Davenport, was elected president of the Tri-City Post Office Clerks club, and Joe Goldsmith, of Rock Island, was named secretary treasurer.
1939 -- 75 years ago: Mass vaccination of more than 1,600 employed of the Rock Island Arsenal has been ordered by Col. Norman Ramsey after a 13-year-old daughter of the Arsenal manager became ill with smallpox.
1964 -- 50 years ago: The 1964 Scout-O-Rama of the Sac-Fox Council of Boy Scouts closed a two-day session last evening at the Rock Island Armory with 5,000 paid attendance.
1989 -- 25 years ago: "From the horse and buggy days ... to this" said Mercer County Sheriff Marvin Thirtyacre, waving his hand to indicate the sheriff's department facilities at the new $1.5 million Mercer County Jail in Aledo.

(More History)