Chuckles for May 2000

May 10
The Arkansas state trooper pulls over a pickup truck and asks the driver, "Got any ID?" Replies the driver: "'Bout what?"

May 16
Sign at a farm: "Horse manure, 50 cents per pre-packed bag. 20 cents, do-it-yourself."

May 16
From actual letter to landlord: ``Our kitchen floor is very damp, we have two children and would like a third, so will you please send someone to do something about it.''

May 17
The things that come to those who wait may be the things left by those who got there first.

May 20
Employer's Lingo: ``Requires team leadership skills.'' Meaning: ``You'll have the responsibilties of a manager, without the pay or respect.''

May 21
You must be an Illinoisan if... Your idea of a traffic jam is 10 cars waiting to pass a tractor on the highway.

May 23
You must be an Illinoisan if... your idea of a really great tenderloin is when the meat is twice as big as the bun.

May 24
You must be an Illinoisan if... you think of the four major food groups as beef, pork, and Jell-O salad with marshmallows.

May 25
You must be an Illinoisan if... your dream vacation is a trip to Rockhome Gardens.

May 26
Signs your computer has a virus: Your motherboard keeps making chicken soup.

May 27
Why is it that night falls, but day breaks?

May 28
If you jog backwards, will you gain weight?

May 29
Signs your computer has a virus: Every time you doubleclick, a message box asks: "Is that your final answer?"

May 30
Signs your computer has a virus: Your web browser just tossed its cookies.

May 31
Age doesn't always bring wisdom. Sometimes age comes alone.

Back: Past Chuckles

Local events heading

  Today is Wednesday, Aug. 20, the 232nd day of 2014. There are 133 days left in the year.
1864 -- 150 years ago: Quite a number of Negroes have lately been brought here by abolition offers returning from the army in violation of the laws of the state.
1889 -- 125 years ago: Miss Tillie Denkmann, of Rock Island, was making plans to accompany a Davenport family on a tour of Europe.
1914 -- 100 years ago: The German advance into Belgium was going apparently without serious check. The American ambassador at Berlin published a denial of the charge that Americans had been ill-treated in Germany.
1939 -- 75 years ago: Seventy-two members of Rock Island High School's 1939 graduating class are preparing to enter college — 34 of them at Augustana.
1964 -- 50 years ago: One of the oldest buildings in Milan, which for a number of years has housed the Milan Hotel, will be razed to make way for a modern, two-story office structure.
1989 -- 25 years ago: Some are blaming it on the sudden influx of insects and the extreme humidity. Still others say the invasion was inspired by a recent movie. But whatever the reason, the Quad-Cities is swarming with bats.

(More History)