Originally Posted Online: Nov. 22, 2012, 10:54 pm
Last Updated: Nov. 23, 2012, 12:05 am
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By John Marx email@example.com
** Our world is at the mercy of some kind of battery.
** You should forgive and forget, but keep a list of names just in case.
** Fridays from this day forward will be considered the beginning of the three-day lunch.
** No matter how old you are or that you are a foot taller and 100 pounds bigger, there is a sense of fear when your mother gives you the "look.'' It happens every holiday when you and your siblings are feeling brave and a little lippy.
** You miss 100 percent of the shots you don't take.
** If some people didn't tell you, you'd never know they'd been away on vacation.
** Those line things (spaces) in parking lots are there for a reason.
** Wives and husbands should have to run for election for each other every four years.
** A 20-something parks in a handicap spot at the River Drive (Davenport) Shell station to get cigarettes and an energy drink. Really?
** There is no such thing as a mid-life crisis, a pre-sale, or re-schedule. And you don't get re-elected.
** You never think of the clever stuff until the argument is over.
** It's OK — really it is — to read your 35-item grocery receipt after you get out of the checkout line. The rest of us want to get through.
** It's called "fast'' food, so open a second register and quit herding those of us paying the freight around like cattle.
** For some reason personal space violations are at an all-time high.
** White boards never erase.
** Everybody needs a pal named "Booger,'' "Boomer,'' "'Bunky'' or "Skip.''
** It is now OK to put up your Christmas lights, play Christmas music -- occasionally on the radio -- and cut down/put up one's Christmas tree.
** Denver quarterback Peyton Manning rocks.
** It's "Christmas,'' not "Holiday'' Season.
** It is bad to join a funeral procession to get you through the red light no matter what the comedian on TV says. Bad, bad, bad.
** A morning coffee group tells me no matter what you have or do not have, we all want whatever it is we don't have."
** There should be a constitutional amendment that keeps the Twinkie alive forever.
** The NHL situation is what's wrong with our world. Billionaires sticking it to millionaires.
** If retailers wanted to open, employees wanted to work and Americans wanted to SPEND money, then shopping yesterday (Thanksgiving) was OK. Black Friday was not Black Friday before it became a made-up market-driven day with a cool name.
** If you are already in a hole, there is no use to continue digging.
** The I-74 bridge painters need to pick up the pace.
Columnist John Marx can be reached at (309) 757-8388 or firstname.lastname@example.org.