Please excuse him from work today, for he is sick. He said I should write the words "cough, cough'' for dramatic effect. He says you shouldn't go near his desk; it might be contagious.
I suspect he'll be down most of the weekend, feel better Sunday night, then hit the skids sometime around next Thursday and Friday. This happens every March. It often trickles into April.
He said he began to feel woozy last Sunday after watching television, mentioning something about a severe case of "bracketology.'' He says there is no cure, that he must let it run its course. He said to make sure you knew that.
I found this to be strange, since on Monday he was feeling great and mentioned he had plenty of clean "sheets'' to work from. He also mentioned something about Kansas making him sick this time of year, but no Kentucky makes the pain a little more tolerable. He also says he loves Gonzaga, which I'm assuming is some new antibiotic for whatever makes him sick about Kansas or bugs him about Kentucky.
Mr. Boss, whatever Gonzaga Johnny drank on Monday didn't work. Tuesday evening he was ill and said that only rest and relaxation -- in front of the television -- would fix what was ailing him.
You know, I always thought that boy should have gone into medicine, because he has a special way of knowing when he's going to be feeling good and when he will not.
He was that way when we was young. He'd get sick in the fall during the World Series and on days when he had under-studied for tests. It usually lasted just until school let out, and then somehow he'd feel much better.
The weather has been iffy at best around here, Mr. Boss, and I believe Johnny said something about a warmer climate helping him get better.
He said he loves Florida, loathes Arizona, doesn't trust California, likes North Carolina less than Kansas and has a nice feeling about Miami this year. He mentioned that New Mexico could cure all his ills from the past. If New Mexico will make him feel better, then New Mexico it is.
Johnny tells me it would be best to text him if you must reach him today, because the waiting room at his doctor's office can get loud. He is right. I called him last year when he was at the doctor's office, and I heard lots what I believed to be cheering in the background.
So to sum up, he won't be at work today, and he probably won't be there every Friday for the next three weeks.
As if you'll miss him.
Sincerely (kind of),
Columnist John Marx can be reached at (309) 757-8388 or email@example.com.
Today is Friday, May 24, the 144th day of 2013. There are 221 days left in the year. 1863 -- 150 years ago: A military escort will be at the square at 9 a.m. tomorrow forthe funeral of Lieut. Joseph Eaton. The county judge is absent in Chicago, which willaccount for his not being in the procession. 1888 -- 125 years ago: Rock Island's City Council last night appropriated $95,000 forexpenses for the 1888 and 1889 fiscal year. 1913 -- 100 years ago: Mrs. F.W. Reimers last night was re-elected president of the RockIsland Musical Club at a meeting in the New Harper Hotel. 1938 -- 75 years ago: Seven members of Boy Scout Troop 21 got their Eagle badges lastnight. They were Ralph Hurt, Robert Nelson, Howard Schersten, Cecil Nelson, RobertFryxell, Clarence Stone and Rollin Hurt. 1963 -- 50 years ago: Mayor Morris Muhleman has resorted to a form letter in an effort toanswer objections to the wheel tax increase. "It was my hope that I could, in some way,restore the faith of the citizens in our city. In order to do this I knew I must face the factthat I would become very unpopular."All they are trying to do is protect the citizensproperty and build their town. 1988 -- 25 years ago: RICCA, the Rock Island County Council on Addictions, inconjunction with the Quad City Downs, will hold its annual "Night at the Races" June 2.The benefit "Night at the Races" will raise funds locally to assist in maintaining the twohalfway houses, New Hope Lodge (for women) and Beacon House (for men).